A letter from June 29th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, It's me, the mess you are, or were. I'm going to be a sophomore in highschool, but who knows if I'll ever make it to then. I'm at a dark place in life right now. It's worse than usual. I am depressed, I have body dysmorphia, and I can't even feel anything except for late at night. I'm in a relationship with Jalen Tabilangan. Maybe we'll still be together, maybe we won't. We liked him in kindergarten too. He's just not the same anymore, something changed, but when. I feel like it's my fault, I feel like a chore, and I always get in the way. I am not suicidal, but I'm in so much pain right now. Georgie and her leg, Dalton and his face, and me and my family, friends, relationship, it's all too much. Hopefully, if you really made it, you went to college, and you became a technician. You're restoring classic cars like you dreamed. I hope you know how much you're worth by then. I really hope you're a strong, passionate, and courageous woman, I always dreamed of being. I can't tell you everything that went down recently, but if I could I would. I really can't wait to see what the future has to hold for us. If I could I'd have a one on one conversation with you. Is snapchat still a thing? Did Jalen propose? Did you ever get mom's Jeep? Did sophie and georgie live a fulfilled life? Did mom and dad move to Alabama? Did dalton find the one yet? Did we cut off Robert? How's alex and the baby doing? Did riley stop smoking? And last question even though I have a million; are Alexandra Gutierrez and Johanna Garcia still our bestfriends? Hopefully, I gain the courage to tell someone about my problems before they get a hold of me. I really don't want that to happy because then everyone will be sad. I really get no sleep, and my body is weak. I've gotten about 4 hours of sleep for the last 3 days. I've never felt so alone, even while being around people. I hope that I skimmed down and my cheeks are finally skinny. I hope that I still go to the gym, and that I have the little 11 abs. Mom is in a hard place too; she seems to be going through a lot of stress with Dalton. I know it's mean to say, but I really hope Robert loses the baby. He is a real bad influence on her. Maybe throughout the years I'll send more to you, but for now, here's struggle letter to you, number 1. Hopefully it makes you smile because you've made so much progress and have become a better person, or maybe it'll make you sad and miss the good times. I really think that quarantine is causing some of this pain on me, but I just really miss swimming. I can't explain how online schooling is too. I can't focus for anything, at all. Hopefully my curly hair is still curly. Well, "curly" it's in loose curls naturally rn but hopefully you took care of it. I should probably get to bed since it's almost 3:30 am... With all the love I bestow Devin, age 15, Monday, June 29th, 2020