A letter from June 26th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, There are days that you feel like giving up... You’re the black sheep of the family, you have nobody who really checks in on you, you can’t stand your job, although you love your clients, you just can’t stand your fake coworkers which makes your anxiety so much worse when you need to work just to get by.. Everyday gets even harder. You don’t understand why you’re here or what your purpose is.. you found out you were pregnant for the third time. You’ve already suffered through 2 miscarriages at 6 weeks but now with each week that goes by you’re starting to understand why you’re actually here. The 2 times you were pregnant before, you had all these gut feelings that it wasn’t really going to last- but the third time, you were able to see baby moving on the ultrasound, you were able to find the heartbeat on your Doppler. I think this is really it this time. I need to do whatever I can do be the best parent I can be. I need to get my license so I can gain more independence. I need to really work through my anxiety. I need to find a job that I don’t feel like quitting every other day. I need a place of my own to raise my baby. I want to be the best version of myself. I don’t give a rats *** that I wiLL lOsE mY fREeDoM. I need stability- I need a purpose. I need a reason not to throw myself off a bridge or overdose on pills because this ***** getting hard. I don’t think I can be strong For myself, but I’ll be strong for you, my love.