A letter from June 25th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Hey, this is yourself but 5 years younger which is 13. I hope your doing better than I expect to be at the age of 18. I have so many questions for u to ask but let me tell you how I'm doing. It's the summer of 2020 I haven't been hanging out with friends, feeling like I don't deserve to be in this world but I don't wanna waste a precious life honestly, I have a roof over my head, a kinda good reputation to others at school, I usually get passing grades, I have hobbies but still... I feel like a dark place is almost going through my body with loneliness and overthinking. To make it more sense, nobody hasn't been checking in with me lately. Only my mom I don't wanna tell her how I feel. I feel like she wouldn't understand but I do at the same time. I feel like over the summer you will figure out who you are for an example if your the age over at 11 you will know if your popular or not since you have so much stuff to do over the summer. But no... I guess I'm that girl that everyone calls me "pretty", "nice", etc. But in reality I have nobody to talk to that will be close to me. I guess I have some friends I could talk too more and hangout but I feel like things will be awkward and we wouldn't have a lot of stuff to talk about. I already lost a very close friend of mine, she doesn't even wanna talk to me or hangout I just know by simply trying to start a conversation with her but she always gets so dry and non interested. I'm not sure why she doesn't wanna talk I don't know if I did something wrong. Anyways some days I feel like not existing in this world, I have some "okay" days and some bad days which is like crying myself to sleep or thinking if I should end my life. You might think I'm exaggerating a bit but it's true, If I had a perfect life I wouldn't feel like this at all. If your reading this I'm glad that something happened and made me not do it at all. I'm only 13 and I do wanna be a adult and see what's it like in life. Anyways, since I got my feelings out and I feel okay I hope you're doing much better than me right now, you're 18 and officially a adult which I'm proud. I hope your making the right decisions and in a good college. I'm not sure what college I would go somewhere by Oregon like Cali or Washington to visit family. Also, how's mom and dad? Are they doing alright? Have you been talking to them lately? Or grandma and grandpa? Are they healthy? Are they still living in my childhood home? And you... are you in a dorm? are you living with someone or by yourself, It seems really nice to live with a roommate since you wouldn't be so lonely and have a friend by your side. Also...are you currently in a relationship with a good boyfriend? I hope he's handsome and treats you good. I do hope that your life is better than what I'm going through. Make sure you be with the right group of friends but.. they also need to be a little bit fun, you know what I mean. I hope 18 is treating you good. As a 13 year old I do wanna see what you would look like. Did your style change? Stay strong and keep what your doing with your dreams. Remember to make good decision and good luck! :))