A letter from June 21st, 2020

Dear FutureMe, In five years I will have graduated high school and hopefully by now be a junior in college. My up and coming senior year will be different then I expected, and I wonder if college will be the same. I sometimes wonder if I will ever accomplish anything. When I was younger I had so much desire to do my dreams, I was so positive on my outlook on life, now I can barley do anything. My desire to write is long gone, all the new friends I make leave me and I feel like there is something wrong with me. Why does no one ever stay? I try to be the best friend I can be and yet I am always so alone. Even in my own house I can trust no one, unable to speak my mind. I feel completely isolated. Being the new girl in a rich high school when I've always been in low in come places isn't easy. Im not rich, I'm not pretty, I can't do things I wish I could. Im such at a dead end job and can't find anything that makes me happy. I have a boyfriend, but I'm unable to tell my family due to them being so strict on me and I wish life was easier. Why couldn't I have been born into a better family? Im always so self conscious about myself, and I'm never happy. I try to be positive for others, however with myself I'm the nastiest person. I can't accept myself, and I wonder if I ever will. I just want to be happy again. Its hard for me to remember a time I was ever truly happy besides the time I was only four and was in day. care and had the sweet innocents of a child. I wish I could still have that. I want to change my life so bad, yet I have no motivation to do anything while I'm stuck in this house and stuck with people who are always so negative. I wish I could fly away an escape or find new people who truly care about me and my existents. I hope in college I will truly be able to be myself and to move on from this.