A letter from June 21st, 2020

Dear FutureMe, there are a lot of things I want to tell you about my life right now, but I’m not sure where to start. I guess I’ll start from the very beginning. On January 28th 2019 my parents and I decided to move to Germany. Big mistake. I became depressed, and cried every day because I didn’t want to go to school. None of my classmates spoke English, and neither did most of my teachers. I didn’t have friends, and would sit alone every break. I missed my old friends, and my family. I also realized that the people I thought were my friends, weren’t true friends. None of them texted or called me except two people. My best friend asmi and my ex best friend simone. Asmi and I still talk today, because she’s an amazing person, and I am forever great full that she decided to talk to me. Simone is a whole other story. Basically we had yet another fight, as always started by her for no reason, and I finally understood that she is a horrible and toxic person. Although I enjoyed her company when I was younger, I didn’t see the small details that showed she wasn’t the best of friends. She would always get mad at the smallest things, and would always blame me for things that she didn’t like. She was also a huge hypocrite. For more details about our right, I have a small folder of the emails we exchanged in the gmail app. Not sure if it’s still there though. Anyway, after a couple of weeks going to that school, I realized I couldn’t do anything about my situation, and just accepted the fact that I had a horrible life, and would just sit on the chair and cry silently. At home it wasn’t the best either. My mom was and still is abusive. She called me lazy and useless. She said that if all I did was be on the internet all day, I would never be successful in life. She would tell me that everyday, and it made me feel alone. I felt like I wasn’t part of my family, since I live in Germany and they live in Greece. I feel like since I missed most holidays and birthdays, I wasn’t considered part of my family. My parents didn’t make anything better. My mom continued to call me useless and ungrateful, just like she does now, and at the time my dad would say that I was overreacting, and that it would get better. It didn’t for a couple of months. It would be the same routine every day. Wake up, cry in the car, go to school, cry in school, go home, and cry at home as well. I even started cutting myself, because I felt like I was transferring all that emotional pain to physical. My dad eventually found out and was furious. I told him I would never do it again and we just forgot about it. I don’t tell my parents how I feel anymore, because they just don’t get me. They don’t see how hurt I am by the things they do and say. But it doesn’t matter. I already feel worthless, but I know if I ****** myself my family wouldn’t handle it. So I won’t. I keep on waiting for the one time we travel to Greece every year. The summer. No horrible school. No staying indoors and crying all day. I’m free. I can go out and do anything I want without having someone shout at me all day. Summer holidays in Germany doesn’t last as long as dubai. It only lasts 1 and a half month but at least it’s something. Anyway back to the year we moved to Germany. At around March I finally found friends. They felt me. They didn’t speak German either, so they understood the pain of feeling alone in this world. There was only one problem, none of the, were in the same class. It didn’t matter, I was happy that I finally had friends. Every lesson I would stare at the clock, waiting for the time to go by. It never went quickly, but at least it passed. I started learning German, and I could now understand a couple of things. I can’t understand any of the lessons, but I could kind of communicate. I didn’t talk to my classmates, because they’re all snakes and don’t deserve me. I am now really close to my friends, and we go out all the time, but my mom is still the same. When she gets mad she still slaps me, or punches me. She also talks over me, never listens to me, ignore me, or tell me to shut up whenever I’m talking to her. After that she acts all innocent, and says I’m sorry in a really stupid way. She then asks if she’s the worst mom in the world, and because that’s how I am, I quickly forgive her and say no. She continues to do this, even though it breaks my heart, but I don’t care. I am used to it by now. We also got a ha anesse puppy on September the 27th 2019. I’ve had him for 9 months now, but I can’t decide on a name. I’ve always been indecisive. Have you ended up deciding on a name? 2020 hasn’t been all that amazing. WW3 threats. Corona virus. Horrible racism. ****** hornets. Australian fires and floods. Lots of horrible things. I’m pretty sure someone will make a documentary about 2020. Has it already happened? Anyway, since corona has started, since January we havent had school, which has been amazing for me. It’s easier for me to do the school tasks, since I can translate everything and staying at home all day has been really fun. In three days I’m going to Greece. Finally! The only problem is we have to wear a mask for 5 hours. Which is the whole flight! It’s okay though, I’m just glad we’re going to Greece. That’s all I have to say. I’m curious about how much my life has changed, and I hope it got better, and I kept my friendships with Irona, Eleni, Floria, Tea and Asmi :)