A letter from June 18th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, you're 25 at the moment you're reading this, probably thinking about the few weeks left until you cross out another year off your life. by now (hopefully), you should be graduating from your masters and then set off to pursue your dream career as either a clinical or criminal psychologist. i'm aware that you've seen so much of the ugly and dark side of this world and that you count your life year by year, always thinking that you'll never make it to the next one. life's tough, even tougher for those who are made aware of this at a very young age, for those who experience it on their own and for those who picked themselves up so many times, they are getting tired even to breathe. you learned, and mostly taught yourself how to survive alone in the darkness. and you keep being there for people for when they most need it or even when they don't. you keep telling them your experience and how you've dealt with whatever life threw your way. i want to let you know, that i'm very proud of you. you're strong, hard willed, kind and generous even after everything you went through. i wonder whether you've let someone in that well built fortress, whether you trusted someone with your constant fears, emotions and demons? i wonder if you've realized by now, how important you are to some people around you? and most of all i wonder whether you've let yourself love and be loved by now? you have a gift to see beneath the surface, please don't waste it. i love you, despite the fact that you utter to yourself almost everyday how much you despise yourself. and i want you to remember that you DON'T HAVE TO BE SOMETHING by the age of 25. you don't have to have a husband, you don't have to have a 9-to-5 job. if you didn't graduate, i'm sure you'd have a good reason for that. by now it will be 5 years since you lost your father. he'd be proud of you, as he's always been of his daddy's girl. remember where you came from, to be grateful at all times for where you are at the moment. water yourself and grow beyond you thought it's possible. for you, those 5 years since i wrote you this letter won't be a mystery anymore. i can only hope you'll find your purpose in life. but for now, i'll try my best everyday to make it easier and better for you, by living every day to the fullest and like it's the last one granted. wish you all the best and everything else you possibly need and want. love, 20 year old you ☀️