A letter from June 15th, 2020

Dear Future Me, It's so weird to think about the fact that I'm writing to my 28 yo self, cause **** 2025 seems so far away from me right now but so close at the same time. Do I really need to mention the COVID19 pandemic? haha don't think so right? Do you still talk about it? Hope this **** is over by now tho. Now, what about "Black Lives Matter" movement and police brutality all over the World... ****, this is ****** up. I hope that when you read this, people finally understand that we're all the ******* same no matter our origins, color of skin, religion our ****** orientation... We gotta love who we are. Am I really writing this, while I don't even love myself? Fo sho. **** I'm such a liar, always smiling and acting like evertything's fine. If you don't remember, future me, 4 days ago you cried for about an hour (if it's not more) for no god**** reason and you had nobody to talk to. I mean, you had friends right, but didn't wanted to bother them. You acted like everything was fine, then you opened a bottle of red wine (Gato Negro btw, are we still loving that one?) and cooked yourself some ramen with raggadancehall songs to twerk to. All of this for what? Burying your feelings, like always. It's okay not to feel good but you gotta learn how to talk about it. The day just after, you were on the phone during 2h acting like a psy to Guillaume, while you're not even doing that for yourself. Things need to change. But is it because I'm writing this right now? Hell no. But I hope, as you're... I am reading this right now; everything is better. Do you have a job in marketing/event? Do you have a boyfriend? If not, it's okay. One day, you will, no worry. I believe in you. How's your ****** tho? Hope that **** didn't came back for your uterus! Are you still anxious of smelling burned hair? Nothing but thinking about it, make me wanna throw up.**** I'm brave asf. Why is this letter so dark and sad? I really don't know how to do this... Alright, let's change that ****, to end it a proper way, ok? So, for the moment, 2020 for you have been: * 4 amazing months working at La Boite à Bougies with Estelle and Alexia. Those girls are the best, and I really hope you're still talking to them! Is Estelle engaged to Sammy now? * A superb week with your perfect sisters in Strasbourg. Friends, family, fun, Rulantica, drinking, games... * A -still- nice friendship with Jo, how's your big man? I really need to plan a trip to Paris to see him tho! Let's get drunk with wine in the "city of love" streets! * What about Elise and Rejane? Those too, is the lighting up of 2019 experience at Gagao along with Sarana and Bastien. Hope they're all doing good! * What about Mélodie and Blandine? There's so much to say over them, it'll be too long and I'm certain I don't need to remind you of specific things about your friendship with them. * Before concluding this, how's Isabella?And Nina? Not quite sure, they'll still be together 5 years from now. But I hope you're still in touch tho. Okay, it concerns only your relationship, but girl, look at the people around you. I'm so lucky for every one of them. Now, let's talk about you, about how you really feel. Today isn't a terrible day, except the weather maybe, but those last days I was suffering for a while, feeling mostly lonely and not myself at all. I'm mostly satisfied with who I become, started losing weight again (-6kg during the 2 confinement months... so today I weight 70kg and still have like, 10 to go.) , I'm not feeling that ugly. My face is pretty much clear from acne, I don't really like my hair tho but too lazy to fix them, waiting for them to grow more before doing something. I don't really know what's my next weeks is going to looks like. The only thing I know is I haven't applied to any schools nor company for my master yet and that I'm going to the south of France in Isle-Sur-La-Sorgue in august for a week. Nothing else planned. Weird uh? Hate it. Don't know where I'm going. I'm trying to be more positive, but it's really hard. So future me, I hope you're smiling right now reading this. I hope you love yourself even more than today. You're a tough one Queen C !