A letter from June 14th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, the past few months were weird. I'm at home a lot bc of Corona and because I don't have a lot of friends anymore. it's the end of 12th grade and I'm planning my future a lot. maybe to distract myself from my current situation. I hope I'll move to Vienna or at least a bit further away from home. I wonder if my mental health will be better then. I'm trying to be positive, make the best of everything. But I've been struggling with body image and depressive episodes lately. I don't think I have depression anymore. I'm trying to work on myself, be better and educate myself. Right now I'm learning about BLM and systematic racism. I think 18 is a weird age. I'm supposed to be an adult but I feel like a teenager. People expect me to act mature all the time. but I don't want that. I missed out on doing stupid stuff at 16 and I really want to experience that still. I hope you have found the perfect uni, city and major. I'm not sure if I want to do marketing anymore. It feels not creative enough and I'm scared of having a 9-5 desk job. I hope you are creating sth as your job. maybe you found the perfect marketing job that allows you to be creative and work with fashion? I love fashion. a few years ago I wanted to have a lot of money and power. Now I'm not sure anymore. I don't need to have the respect of others. I want to do sth that feels right from within. I want to make a change. If it brings me respect and success that's a positive side effect ofc. But it shouldn't be my main focus. Do you still feel like that? Are you making a change? Are you living eco friendly as good as possible? I'm single rn. Kayra and I broke up like 2 months ago. are you two still friends? I hope so, she means a lot to me. if you lost contact please text her. ask her how she's doing. I might have a crush on Lara. it's stupid. but since I try to open up more I need to acknowledge these feelings. it's though breaking my shell. I'm used to acting like idc. but I do care a lot. Sara is leaving the school and this chapter is therefore officially over. feels good. I hope you have an amazing friend group now. one you feel comfortable with. I don't right now. I have people I meet and talk to, but nothing close. that's ok I will meet the right people. maybe I need to work on myself first. I hope you have a better relationship with mum. I lover her but sometimes it's hard. I'm scared of loosing touch with Younis. I want to have a strong bond with him forever. at an old age and all that. He is a teenie rn so sometimes we clash. but that's part of growing up and I love how open and reflective he can be. I wonder where he is rn. I believe he will have a good job, a girlfriend or boyfriend and probably have kids before me. he's kinda a homemaker dunno. I love HIMMMM. how Maya? are you guys talking alot? did she visit? Wanna know how I want to live in 5 years? a apartment in Vienna, Berlin, Hamburg, Paris or sth. with a lot of plants, a girlfriend or boyfriend, definitely a cat, cute vintage style, with many portraits, you're working at a fashion company, designing concepts, I hope you can buy the clothes you want, and invest in sustainable fashion, maybe you own a VW beetle? or you are on the bike? that's cute too. I want to have cute Sundays on the farmers market. Do you have long or short hair? I think shirt hair suits you more, but I'm growing mine out rn because I never really saw myself w long hair yk. Did you get the bee tattoo and a boon job. or do you love you ***** now? I hope you are really confident. and I want to get my eating under control. a lot of it is because if boredom and self hatred. and I don't imagine that being part of my life anymore.I hope you can enjoy the sun and feel the grass and be happy and don't care about anyone's opinion. maybe therapy will help u threw it. are you still planning your future? do u want children? Ella and Elio? If you're still planning please write a letter to future future me pleaseeeee. anyways I will do my best to do the best thing for you/us rn. I will work hard to get you to this place and when u look back pls don't cringe at me. I'm trying to love past me and I hope you future me love current me. I'm excited for my and our growth. wherever you are I love you. hope you get this. see you soon? 14:19 14.06(Juni) 2020