A letter from June 14th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, right now it’s 3.43 am, i was scrolling through tik tok and saw ‘a letter to my future self’, sounds like fun? i’m listening to the soundtrack from ***** stranding, i’m hooked onto that game at the minute, eagerly waiting for tlou part 2 to be delivered. innes was round today, hes finalising his comic ‘a pack a day’ he obviously needed my expertise advice on the finalisation of course. i’m his right hand man as we all know. innes has helped me a lot, katherine has too. katherine seriously looked out for you during the past few days. i hope you’re still friends. she’s like the older sister i never had. i’ve been in a very strange state of mind recently, a happy yet sad feeling. i want to hug and show affection to people at day but at night i feel like crying it’s bizarre. i decided to write this letter tonight because i have so much imagination on what could be in years to come. i want to get my feelings out, i’ll break things down quickly as i know you have the attention span of a spoon. right now there’s protests and riots everywhere for black lives matter, fighting against police brutality. i attended the protest last week and it was beautiful, i have no regrets to my decision. innes, katherine, a few of her friends and i all went. my best friend at the time, katie, she had a lot to say about me attending given the current state the world is in with lockdown and the pandemic. i’m sure you’ll remember the ins and outs of it all. she’s done a lot to hurt me and betray my trust these last few days and i’m confused to it all, i want to sit down and ask her why? why is she doing and saying the things she is? i loved her more than i expected myself to and that’s why it hurts. i’ve not thought of any fun memories, all i can remember are the bad. i’m not sure if that comes down to the fresh bruise she’s left or if i got away before it was too late? she’s always had a pattern of nastiness but, for some reason i thought i’d be of exception, little did i know i’d been blind and warped the whole time. the pattern carried throughout. it didn’t end. logan and i recently crossed paths again, i honestly believe we’re supposed to be with each other. we always find our way back to one another. i think he’ll be a forever friend. getting close and starting the friendship again is refreshing. texting everyday like nothing ever happened, i hope you have stayed in contact at least 5 years on. he’s a special friend. the whole family agree. we’ve been in lockdown for a few months now and it has me thinking of my future, i don’t perceive myself to have one, i’m stuck. as of yet i only have the talent of pen to paper and i’m not sure how to express that in the real world. i don’t want to be stuck in a dead ended 9-5 job yuno? i don’t know what i want to do, perhaps further education. i have a couple ideas, mostly dabbling in the brain and mind area of things. therapist? psychiatrist? i think i want to help and study behaviours, it sounds very interesting to me, a *** therapist also sounds fun. i have endless ideas of what i could do. i have a big imagination and desire to learn. who knows though, i have no idea where i’ll be in 5 years right now. i hope i’m doing something with myself. me and reg are cuddled up, sylvestor is running on his wheel, he’s a noisy boy. i’m glad i got sylvestor, he’s my little man. i’m not sure what else i quite want to say, i thought i’d write a bible but short and sweet is always the way to go. anyway, it’s 4.17 am now and i call bedtime. going to put on the latest from pewds and call it a day. so, here you go, a letter from your 17 year old self. an upcoming iconic, feminist, symbol, activist, artist, skinny legend. i truly feel at peace with myself, i accept myself for myself and feel beautiful. i’m okay right now. this letter has helped me reflect on my feelings. talking about them helps, especially when it’s to you. goodnight al b, see u in 5 x