Letters to the Future #4 - June 10th, 2020

"Can you hear me? S.O.S. Help me put my mind to rest." - SOS, Avicii Dear FutureMe, Wow. This is going almost 5 years into the future. I contemplated using a certain line from the song "Livin' on a Prayer" since 2025 is "halfway there" to 2030, but decided against it. If you've forgotten, back in May and June 2020, you sent 8 letters to the future, throughout the next ten years. This is the fourth in the series. 5 years ago, I was quite young. I was quite... Let's say, foolish? I think I had a pretty bad temper back then, and well, I don't think I really need to go further from there. But I guess I was doing something right, because I wasn't hated as a person in class. Now, I dunno. Well, it's hard to tell actually, because of the virus stuff going on. Zoom meetings are hardly equivalent to conversations, and if the teacher doesn't call out my name or converse with me as easily as other students, that doesn't mean the teacher doesn't like me. I haven't really been in contact with a whole lot of people over the last few months, ever since mid-March when the movement control order started. I think my talking skills degraded over time as I stopped using them as much. I was never really that good at socializing anyway. I feel like my words are too controlled, as if I have to rehearse what I have to say. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I feel the same for some actions, like walking around or picking something up. I don't feel relaxed doing it, or... I don't know, it's hard to explain. Who am I trying to throw my sorrows to my future self? You've probably got your own problems. Don't worry about this paragraph, I'll sort out my own problems myself. Or maybe my problems are still your problems? Oh god... I don't know where I'd be in 5 years. Do have a YouTube channel yet? Has the channel reached 1 million subscribers? Eh, one can dream, right? What do you worry about these days? I worry about... being disliked, but in an, insecure kind of way? I worry about seeming as if I dislike others. I worry about procrastinating, about wasting time. I worry about not being able to express myself quickly. I worry about being misunderstood. I worry about not being able to do things that I used to be good at doing in the past. Tell me, can you still solve the Rubik's Cube? How good is your Dvorak? Can you still play the piano decently? Do you still have Minecraft phobia (real thing, google it)? I worry about not being good enough, skilled enough, lucky enough, brave enough. About being insufficient. About... Okay, let's turn away from that for now. How's life in general? I'm pretty good, and being introverted during these times has at least been a little beneficial. I've never been too bored while being mostly alone. Actual, physical schools are said to start again in exactly 2 weeks, on the day that is my birthday. Yup, June 24th is when they say we have to go back to school. And it's also when I plan to write and send my final 8th letter to myself exactly 10 years in the future, June 24th 2030. That day is still very very far away from you as well, eh? I have way too much to say. I feel like I have to say more to make this email feel more complete. But what else is there to say? I ate cereal today for breakfast. I can't quite remember what I had for lunch... Ah right, chicken rice. And for dinner, some wonderful home-cooked food, consisting of fish, pork, beans, capsicum and more. The holidays ended 2 days ago, and Zoom classes started again yesterday. There were 4 classes today; I accidentally missed a chunk of Physics class because, well, it's a long story involving Google Classroom and Whatsapp. Here's a challenge: try and remember how I missed part of the class. Right now I'm not in the best of spirits, so do something for me, okay? Be happy. If you feel dispirited, demotivated, unhappy or anything similar, just relax, do some things that you enjoy. Maybe play deeeep.io if it's still around. Watch a couple of YouTube videos. Have fun. Take a few deep breaths and feel what tension you have sink out of you. See ya, I'm off to bed. Have a great day! - PastYou