Rise up, June 10th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Life's not in my favor all the time. Personally, I possess the 'gift' to destroy things and relationships because I feel like I don't deserve any of it. When I was 13, and someone would have told me that I'll have a small trauma, trust, and physical contact issues, I would have laughed and told them 'sure, but not me'. But hey, they weren't wrong. After all the lies, and 'I-want-to-die-because-of-you's my mother has told me, it's hard to accept the beautiful feeling of love. I am having a hard time believing that someone actually looks at me and says "I want you to be part of my family". The hate, suffering, and mental scars are so deeply rooted inside of me. How can a child possibly live with what it has seen and carry on without knowing what it looks like to have loving parents? But that's part of who I am. And that young woman is strong. I might not love as easily as girls around me but if I do, I trust that person a lot. This belongs to no one but myself. I - you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love every single little part about you. All of you. Besides - you're the only person you have to be good enough for. <3 With all the love I can give, your 17-year-old you.