A letter from June 9th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, hi. I hope you’re well, as of right now, you’re sitting in what is your soon to be husbands bed, the date is June 8, 2020. His name is Chris, and you love him very much. Your plan is to go in the Air Force together after you’ve gotten married, which seems to be going well. At this point in my life, I am very conflicted about everything, A lot is happening right now and I’m so scared. I sometimes think about how fast my life has went and it’s so frightening that I’m already 17. I only think about it at night though, right before I fall asleep. Then I find myself staying up another two hours because I scared myself ******** and can’t think about the fear I have to face. This is about to be all over the place, so just bear with me. Let’s talk about family first. As of now, mommy and daddy are getting along just fine, they sometimes text and talk on the phone. Not about them, about me, but it’s still nice to know they can be cordial. Hopefully him and Ms. Veronica are divorced in the future. The only good thing that ever came out of that woman was my little sister. Even though daddy practically abandoned me for almost 6 years because of her, I don’t blame him. He was wrong, but I love him and at heart, I’ll always be a daddy’s girl. My sister just had a baby a few months ago, and he’s doing so well. He’s a gorgeous baby and I never knew I could love a kid so much. I actually enjoy being an aunt, his cute smile makes it all worth it. My aunt, daddy’s sister, you know who I’m talking about. Hopefully she gets clean by the time I read this, it hurts my soul to know she turned to drugs due to her mental state, and seeing my cousins have to live with her and see her like that makes it so much worse. I hate that she’s going through that, but she’s always been headstrong, you can’t make her go to rehab or get clean, she has to do it on her own. I’m about cry reading this, having to think of her that way. She looks so sick and terrible. I’ve never seen her like that. My aunt has never done anything like it...she’s so far gone. On a brighter note, I pray mommy has everything she has ever wanted in life..maybe a husband or boyfriend, that truly loves her and makes her smile. Her house, her Jeep Wrangler, her dream career. She’s been through so much and she deserves it as much as anybody else with every sacrifice she’s made for me and my sister. That’s probably grammatically incorrect, but I don’t care. I guess I’ll go to Chris now. Chris, my love. I pray for you every single day, hoping you make it home safe and I never lose you because you are the love of my life. My best friend. The person who kisses me goodnight and snuggles me in the mornings. I hope we are as in love in the future as we are now. We’ve made it through all of high school, and we are kids still so we’ve made mistakes, but I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else but you. You make me laugh and cry. It’s ridiculous, the things you make me feel. You make me feel beautiful and loved and have always been there for me. I love you and hopefully your by my side reading this with me... The only other person I can think to include in this letter is my best friend, Lauren. You’ve been my friend since 2018, when you disliked me over a boy we had both gotten played by. It was funny cause that’s what formed our friendship. I’ve never had a more genuine friend. Who makes me laugh like that, to the point where I can’t breathe. We have the most fun together and I hope we are still friends in the future. Now, I guess I move on to me... Hmm... I’m not exactly sure what to say to you, myself actually. I love you. I think I do. I really try to, do hard.. I’m not gonna lie, it’s been really hard to love myself these past couple of years. I haven’t felt pretty, or like myself in so long. I don’t know if I’ve ever really felt pretty. Of course I’ve called myself pretty on a handful of occasions, but deep down, I don’t feel it all. I love my body, but I hate it all in the same line. It’s so hard to love myself when I see so many pretty girls and I can’t help but feel insecure. People tell me how beautiful I am everyday, and how I should be a model and blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t matter, it’ll never matter till I believe it myself. Till I learn to love my insecurities. Till I fall in love with my appearance. I hope by now you have realized how beautiful you are. I really hope by now I feel pretty... I really hope by now, I am successful, and have everything I’ve ever worked for. Everything God has for me. Just please be patient with me. I’m a work in progress. Sincerely, the forgotten past