A letter from June 7th, 2020

Dear future self.. Honestly i thought I’d be dead By now Given all that’s happened in 2020. So this is your 15 yr old self. I have good grades. O I have a ****** sleeping schedule. I sleep 4-7 hrs a day. spend 50% of my time watching movies and series. The other 50% is talking to my bf, Ali. So now i have been in quarantine for 3 months. But before that i was in school and every thursday I’d go out with either my bf or friends. The neighborhood and jaymes young to my favorite artists. Moondust and flawless are my favorite artists. My best friends are ghina and judy. I have a bf named ali. I hope im still dating him till now. Right now, im afraid that i’d move to jordan. My bf is going off to college and i might not see him for several years. Im insecure about myself and my body. I keep thinking im either too much or not enough. Most importantly, im afraid that i’d spend my life the way im spending it now. Im trying to be better so i want to you to do the following: I want you to be closer to allah. I want you to pray every single fardh. I want you to speak with you mother everyday and your father. Make sure they’re okay. I want you to be nicer to your siblings. Specially ahmad, cuz now you’re treating him like ****. I want you to be there for your friends. Stop saying you’re busy. Stop avoiding them. I want you to study hard. This is your life and you dont get to redo it. You wanted to be an emergency doctor. Are you now? You hope you are more consious than i am. That you are patient. You are hardworking. You are indepndent. You are enough. You are beautiful. Stop feeling insecure about your body. Stop underestimating yourself When you read this. I want your call your parents. I want you to call your sisters and brother. Go out with your friends. When it rains go outside and feel the rain. When you walk by a homeless man donate. Make someone’s day. Tell them they’re beautiful. Appreciate people’s hard work. Be nice to everyone. We are all equal. If you’re still with ali. Tell him you love him. Appreciate him. He changed your life. He was there for you when no one was. He saw you cry. He made you happy. He made you stronger and more confident. If you’re not with him. Please dont tell me you cut him out of your life. BRING. HIM. BACK. Please be nicer to yourself. Dont be harsh. You are enough. You are strong. You are beautiful. You should love yourself more. I dont know if your’re happer now. If not i hope you’d feel better. Its going to be okay. You’ve been in a world pandemic ffs. You were inside the house for 4 months. Thousands of people died. But you didnt. There’s a reason for that. So you could do better.