A letter from June 7th, 2020

Dear Future Me, it's younger Lily. Are you stuck? its been a really terrifying question iv'e been wanting to ask for ages. right now i don't feel like i fit in, i have a lot of friends, but i don't get treated the same. i don't know why but it feels like i'm getting replaced. since im the *cool* girl in school it hurts even more. their is too many friends that i can't keep up with who i'm friends with and not. i'm 11 right now and sending this 5 years into the future. i feel lost. like i'm the only one that feels this way and everyone is just robots here to fill in good and bad memories of my life. everyone expects me to be this girl that laughs at everything and is so fun but i don't take that more then 55% of the time. outsiders may say i'm a bully, but i believe its coming off the teachers thoughts and going out into the world. my friends judge before they know. that's why i don't keep newer friends these days because they think i'm going to end up rude. i wish my friends would just grow up, especially Xavier. i have so many questions to ask but i guess when you read this again, i will know. being a year 5 is hard. especially when no one knows how you feel everyday and they think its funny to bring up things you want to forget about. (for me: people passing away, rude things iv'e said, crushes etc.) well i hope life is easier during these 5 years and beyond. see you on the other side, Lily.