A letter from June 7th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, it’s 4:48 7 June 2020, i feel really stupid writing this but also kind of touched, I see you now as a big sister, someone stronger and better that will step up for me, everything feels so weird I’m not really sure if I’m even alive, I dream of living in Spain and studying there, of finding my peace and be happy, letting go the insults of the past, being able to forgive my mom for making me rewrite my old copybooks and making me insecure in that way, I’m so looking forward to know how is it out there, in the big world of real people because now I feel like in a ball with fake snow everything is so surreal, you wanted to get a body, dreamed of learning how to sing, dance and act, whatever it is I hope now you are happier than I was back here, maybe this letter will serve you as a salvation? Thinking of giving up or quitting just stick around for a little bit more for future you, it will work. How pathetic is that? I mean I see you so different as that dream version, of myself, hope you stopped being envious and you are living your dream, I never really knew what to say, but we do know talking, think of that as a way to find dream occupation. Who did you turn out to be eventually, are u going to be a doctor, an actress, hope ur not still in Rivne, when you think you are alone, remember that you actually are. But who said it was a bad thing, learn to accept and love yourself. You only have yourself and your sis, please tell me you are friends.How stupid is being such a baby giving you advices, you can inspire, please do. Tomorrow (which is actually today) I’m planning on getting drunk for the firs time in my life, interesting, huh? If you don’t have a blog already start one! This is a fucking sign to persuade your dreams. I can’t express how much I hope this doesn’t make you cry and that you are fucking happy, maybe you even have a boyfriend that’s so insane to me rn that we might ever have one I’m just so proud of you, everything you went through for us, please keep fighting for us, you will get a dream house and anything you want. Rock’n’roll bebe