A letter from June 5th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Wow, I've been meaning to write this so a while now but havent had the time or the correct mindset. I wonder if that is still a problem for me/you. Its June 2020 right now and I'm pretty sure you remember all about that year. What a year. This is weird, writing this letter. Imagine you were dead. How morbid. If I am dead, I wonder how I died? I should send this to someone else in case I am dead. Probably Belinda. Anyway, there are a couple of questions I have. First, the very obvious one, are you happy? I think im in this rut of depression for about 4/5 years now and im PRAYING that you arent there still and you've found a life that was worth living. I hope its FILLED with people who love you so unconditionally and don't make you feel like everyone does now. Are you still living with them? Id like to hope you arent. What a pair of toxic people honestly. Sometimes I wonder what life is gona be like for them when I leave. The whole family is going to fall apart and right now I have no care in the world about that but I wonder if you did leave, whether you feel regret. I hope you dont. They don't deserve that. Unless, by some miracle they changed which I doubt because I'm 21 now and they are probably the worst kind of people. If you did leave, do you talk to them or even her? Is she still as manupulative as she has always been? Are you married? Omg i hope you are and espcially not with an Albanian. EW gross!!!! If it is an albanian, he must be the perfect man in the world. I wonder who i do end up with. I doubt I would be pregnant in 5 years from now but if i am, omg how is that? What do we have, I kind of hope its a boy but im good with any GENDER as long as they are healhty and happy. OMG are you traveling? Even with a baby if we have one, you should be traveling, no EXCUSES!!! Whats work like? Are we an accountant? where are we working? Right now, I am about to take my last year in college. I really don't have a path in life. I have no direction. Sometimes I wonder why I try at all but I guess its because I hope that in 5 years from now, ill look back and be happy I tried? God i feel like theres more I want to you, or want to tell you. OMG ARE we still close with belinda and beba? I would hope so. IDK what life would be like without them. Weird ik. Anyway, If you are reading this and arent dead, I hope that i am happier in 5 years. Even if im single, jobless and still with no direction, I really really hope im happy and surrounded by people who love me so unconditionally. I love you Future me!!!!!! I HOPE WE MAKE IT! Now, if by some weird chance, I am dead in 5 years and belinda is reading this email, then I would like to say that I love YOU and that even though im dead, IM 100% certain im watching over you because I know how you cant function without me. Theres alot of questions I would want to ask you but I guess I would never really know the answer to those so its relevant. Do you visit my tombstone tho? How rude if you said no!!! I hope your life is also filled with so much happiness and love. Name a kid after me dude Yours very truly, Past Me :)