A letter from June 4th, 2020

Dear Future Me, hey stupid ******* dumb ***** omg this is you. like its me but its also you. this is zach from the past and idk if youre going to remember that i did this but basically youre going to receive this in 5 years from now n lowkey its kinda creepy mais this is the perfect time for me to write this for us. rn its June 4th 2020, n highkey the world is a mess rn. you’ll obviously probably remember this but yes miss girl we are in the middle of a 💫✨pandemic✨💫 everything's been closed since march. im doing stupid *** hairdressing school ONLINE?? like make it make cents. i also got a blood test done today for accutane since dr poupart is making me get blood tests every month. (and yes i try to be a baddie and not be scared by looking at the nurse penetrate the needle in me, because wbk i used to look away when i get needle but wtv) we been doing accutane since the beginning of quarantine, so three months, and i think were finally getting near the end of the treatment. ik myself but im guessing ill probably forget what its like having ****** skin by the time u receive this, so this is a reminder that ***** i cant wait to finish this treatment pls 😭😭 BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!: george floyd, the black man who was ******** my p*lice two weeks ago has sparked massive worldwide protests in support of black lives matter. its kinda scary because we are still in quarantine but ***** i dont give a **** im still going to the protests perry. its our first ever real manifestation and im reallly realllyy excited to go because as we both know this is 100000% a cause we believe in and support this our entire heart and soul. as of today we are DEMANDING change and i hope as **** in the future, something good came out of this. (also btw as im writing this CupcaKke released a new saung lemon pepper and its a bop wbk) but ya, as for george floyd, rn its a thursday and im going to the protest sunday with ariane from work and maybe daphne if her boss doesnt call her to come in. i hope its gonna go well because yes its a ‘protest’ but they've all been turning into riots and everyone is worried because montreal turned violent when they held the first one last week. we are staying strictly peaceful, but like my mom says “il y a pas devolution sans de revolution”. i took my Vyvanse today for the first time in a hot minute and maybe im writing too much i hope not. i went to the dollarama yesterday to buy signs and im gonna write “WHITE SILENCE IS VIOLENCE” and “TRANS BLACK LIVES MATTER” in honour or marsha p. johnson for starting the *** liberation movement lit rally a legend. but ya so far 2020 has been *** for everyone, and its kinda ironic how every year people say “20** was a ****** year im so happy its over blah blah” but none of us were expecting this. and it feels like its only getting worse, but what really matters to me right now is the black lives matter movement has been pushed to center of attention at full force and i hope and beg the universe something good with come out of this. also i believe t***p will get re-elected this year, hes litchrally a ******* DISEASE OF A HUMAN BEING but he deadass has no competition in the election right now and im mentally preparing myself months in advance for the worse. so ya 2020 isnt playing. OMG I ALMOST FORGOT!! im iturning 18 in 11 days PERIODDDDDD but the itch chew is im down to my last pod on my stlth and idk if i can make it till then but well see. other than that im lowkey not excited to buy alcohol and nicotine, im mostly excited to have the RIGHT to buy alcohol and nicotine. AND ESPECIALLY VOTE FINALLY. i can buy weed at 21, which is not on my mind yet but i will be passed 21 when i get this email!! i still havent made my mind up about drugs. ive been sober for ALMOST a year. July 14 marks a year to be exact and im really ******* proud of myself. but after that milestone i dont know if i want to remain sober, because i still have no idea if i do chose to try drugs again, will i be strong enough to control myself? i still think about drugs and my old habits constantly-almost everyday and it hard to combat those thoughts, but i guess it only takes time. although its taking 9 months longer than i THOUGHT IT WOULDDD but n e ways. i still havent given up nicotine yet though and i dont think i will for a while but well see what happens. im also not drinking and i havent been drunk in atleast a year but i think thats less serious to me. like at this point ive given myself permission to drink, but the opportunity to get drunk hasnt come yet but my bday is soon, and im making an executive decision to let myself have fun. but im still scared. i will be okay. also btw im about to buy my first car, (i just finally saved up 10k with my check that came in yesterday) we already gave michel's dad a down payment, and i should be getting it in a month, but i dont have my ******* license still because miss rona cancelled driving school, and i was two classes away from being done with that ***** :| AND im also writing this right after michel finished doing my room in the basement woop woop! i have many questions about what the near and far future would look like. especially in these days since these protests have really brought awareness to an extremely important movement. my greatest fear right now is that there wont be change. i hope as **** that we didnt do all this for nothing and that black lives one day WILL MATTER, because for ***** sake why is it so hard to this world to just treat human beings as human beings and not with how much melanin they lack😭😭 its literally depressing that its this way. but i will go fight with my fellow bad ******* for equality❗️ (and shhh this is a secret but i do believe once these old ***, shriveled **** ***, rich white straight men *** politicians die off, and the new wave of leaders emerge, the world will be soo soo much better, its my theory in a way. and i dont wish ***** on anybody but right now the common denominator in all minority issues is 1. old people and their expired mentalities and 2. 99% of the people in power are the ones who hold the most privilege at base. Aka rich white straight men.) but what really keeps me hope is my generation. because most of us are progressive, and the distriction between gen z compared to the baby boomers and older is clear as night and day. NO ONE IS FIGHTING FOR OUR RIGHTS AS MUCH AS MUCH AS MY GENERATION DOES. i just cant ******* wait to be older to finally see people like me take the place of these dumbass men like trump and lead us into a better world. this is really at core what keeps me going forward, because i cannot wait to see the day that happens. we just went thru 4 years of trump and probably 4 more years, but I DO have alot of hope in the future. i know it will be beautiful. its just a question of time. i also wonder how my hairdressing career will be like, although im not really worried about that. im entering the beauty industry will alot of privilege because for some reason they LOVE it when men do hair and makeup. like okay?? whats the difference. if anything i believe woman are better at these things since most if them have been doing this their whole lives. ***** i remember starting hair school and i needed someone to teach me how to flat iron hair. like women BEEN doing this their whole lives so what makes men so much better at hair and makeup?? why do we get rewarded so much in this industry? i hope that changes too. as for what’s happening in my day to day life rn, im staying home alot . mom and michel are doing great and taking this time in quarantine to renovate the house and redo our front and back yards, just like everybody else. dad is chill rn and im slowly changing his view of the world. because having a ****** son, you dont really have choice sksksk. jody is still annoying as **** but i feel bad for not liking her because i know shes has a beautiful soul and is a kind person at heart. i just cant stand her sometimes-lowkey most times. like this ***** cant let me breathe ****. but i made sushis for the first time with her last week and it was fun. also lana del rey have been getting herself in some mess and she’s embarrassing her stans like ma?? shut the **** up pls. but this is her first scandal so i hope its okay, im just excited as **** for chemtrails over the country club out september 5th, you can stream it on all platforms and buy the album on itunes and amazon period. one of my wishes is to make more friends, because right now i dont have that many since i cut everyone off last summer. i have sara, molly but shes kinda annoying sometimes when she just talks about herself, i have justine and daphne. ariane too but i dont know if we will become friends for real of just stay like close coworkers kinda relationship. im finally staying out of trouble and i love my parents as much as they love me. im really excited for whats to come. i hope that when im reading this, most of my wishes will have been granted. i dont really know what the future looks like but i can still make an educated guess. there are still uphill battles that i will have to face that im still not aware of, and people that wont want to see me succeed, but as im turning 18, i cant wait to take on the world. and to the words of Lana Del Rey, ‘I believe in the kindness if strangers’.