A letter from June 2nd, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Hey you. I think I'm going to make it a thing to write to you whenever things get bad here. Cause you and i both know we have no one to talk to. So, to put it simply, dad got mad... again. Typical. The word "mad" is an understatement, it doesn't even suffice. He was somewhat triggered. I was upstairs when it happened. Totally immature, I would say. It was probably another minor issue, like all the others. I'm honestly tired of these nonsense. I stumbled upon a twitter thread yesterday. About finding the right partner. It stated that, if you really are meant for each other, neither of you would be the cause of each other's pain. You wouldn't bring one another down but rather support each other. A soulmate, they call it. They would be the reason your whole day turns out amazing. They'll be the reason for your laughs and love each day. Sounds amazing, right? I don't know if I'll ever find my special someone. It all just feels too good to be true. and I'm scared. Marriage is forever. It really is a big deal, unlike what we used to tell our self when we were kids, huh? I don't even know if I'm up to meet guys and get to know them. Just terrified that they'll turn out like dad. I mean, he isn't all bad. But, I really despise it when he gets mad without cause and just lashes out on us. The way he would accuse us of doing something we didn't do. The way he would look at us as of we were disgusting in his eyes. How his eyebrows would scrunch every time we try to talk to him. He takes care of us, sure. But mentally speaking, he's the reason I cry on most nights. Of course, you'd know all about that... you're me. I hope the future is brighter than right now, even if it's only been a day? since my last letter to you. I guess this is life. It isn't perfect. But, I don't find it bearable either. It hurts, you know. Keeping all of this inside and having no one to confide in. It sucks so much. But hey, it's not like I can do anything about it. Just gotta hope for the best... Anyway, I hope I don't write another one to you soon. It would be a bad sign you know. Please be happy. Do the things that makes you happy and feel alive. I hope you find someone who loves and treats you the way you'd always want them to. And I hope you love yourself enough to understand that YOU are enough. I love you.