A letter from May 31st, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Daddy passed away yesterday morning and your whole world stood still. It was the worst pain you’ve felt. 20 years old is way too young to be saying good bye to a parent. Hopefully by now you no longer cry when you think of him but smile. Pictures don’t make you shed tears but only smiles and grins. You’ll never heal from this only learn how to cope with it. You never thought about the day where your strong hero of a dad wouldn’t be on this planet anymore. It hurts very bad. I wish the future me could tell me how to make the pain stop. I miss him so much. I miss his laugh I miss his eyes. I miss how proud of me he was. I miss the way he loved my dogs even though they were annoying. I just wish I could sit and talk with him one more time before we say our final goodbyes. I wish he could walk me down the isle when I marry the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wish he could hold my first born child. I wish I could watch from a distance to see how much he loves my children the way he loved me. I wish I could give my kids that type of love. I wish my kids could’ve known how amazing he was. Like I said. It hurts. The pain is unimaginable. Nothing could have prepared me for it. I’ll be asking god why he took him so soon and why he left me heart broken. But I hope you have found peace with god and I hope god has shown you why he needed our father so bad. I really hope heaven is real and I really hope daddy can see us and know how much we love and miss him. Hi daddy👋🏻 If you’re seeing this just know I love you and I miss you forever. I love you big big. I’m so sorry I didn’t fight harder for you to get treatment. I wish I would’ve made you go to the doctor sooner. Maybe you would still be here. And we’d be dancin’