A letter from May 31st, 2020

Dear FutureMe, hi Kine, I hope you are well and are doing amazing. I'm struggling to know what to say to you, because at this moment in time I'm really struggling with life at the moment. I can't explain why because I don't even know myself, which is making me even more sad because I can't even explain why I'm like this. If I can't explain my feelings how am I suppose to explain anything. Right now I'm yr 12 and 16, I have no clue what I am gonna do with my life. I'm stuck in this pit of "I can't do ****". I hope you have gotten out of this pit and are doing something you love and so happy. How's mum going? I really hope she's found someone that's really nice and treat her right. I hope mum has moved on with the whole Stephen situation and are now talking like a mother and son should. Now hoe is your older sister Leighana going? I know now she's going through something that no one should ever have to go through, but I hope she is happy and well. Is she still with Jack? if so have they got a baby? I really do hope you and Leighana are really close because I honestly don't know what I would if you weren't. I know you girls are strong minded and have had different opinions on things but that shouldn't keep you guys a part. You girls need each other, honestly no one is gonna be there for you as much as a sister would be. Remember you guys love each other no matter what! Kine how is your relationship with your brother Stephen? Please tell me it's bloody amazing and that you guys have sorted out your ****? I've noticed that right now you guys don't talk that much and when you do you end up fighting, so right now I want you to call him and tell him your sorry for everything and that you wish you were a better sister when you were younger and that wish you could've helped him when going through depression. Now back to you (us) here is something I want you to know and I know right now you aren't going to want to know this but trust me you will because you deserve to. "You deserve happiness. And I mean real happiness; true happiness. The kind of happiness that makes your heart fill with warmth. And you deserve to feel what it feels like to be okay. To feel like the world isn't against you. To feel like you aren't constantly treading water just to keep yourself from drowning. More than anything, you deserve to be okay. And I know it's hard to hear this, especially when you are so sad. Especially when you are so far away from loving yourself. But I still want you to know. Because one day, you are going to feel okay again. One day you are going to feel happy again. It's just a matter of time". So Kine I hope you have gotten your act together, because I didn't write this letter for nothing. Everything comes to you in the right moment. Be Patient. From your 16 year old self I love you, Love me xx :)