A letter from May 29th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I don’t know what will be of your life when you get this , what you’ve been through whats happened, where are you currently like what are you doing, who are you With , who you’ve met , who you’ve lost , ups and downs, are you happy ? ): but I do hope that when you get this and read through it , it either gives you hope or comfort , happiness and maybe a little sadness but the good type if their is the good time idk. Today is Friday , may 29th and it is currently 12:15 in the morning so the day hasn’t even begun , you had your sleeping schedule good but then it messed up again so now your up at random times like this , I am decided on NOT falling asleep and I can’t tell the future but I hope I don’t because I really want to sleep later tonight. Anyways it is angles birthday and I’m so excited because he’s 6 and he’s so cute and smart and funny , I love him so much tmrw .. Saturday , is his birthday party which I’m even more excited about because theirs gonna be pizzaaaa . Ok so I just want to know if in 5 years are you happy with your life ? Did you decide on a career ? Do you love it ? Your life ? Work life ? Do you even work or is your life a flop like I currently think it’s gonna be ? Right now I’m 16 .. 5 days away from my birthday where i will be 17 and it’s so scary because I realize how fast life goes and that next year I will be 18 already . Legally an adult , all my actions will be on me and I will have to start to take care of my self , finish school or decide what I will want to do with school , get a career well decide on one first , build a family but rn I don’t know if I want one :/ . And so many other things like driving and having a house . Right now I have this mindset that my life will be a mess because I can’t seem to decide what I want to do and Ik right now I’m still young but I’m just getting older and soon I will have to make big decisions like those but the thing is that everyone around you seems to have all that **** figured out and being productive, making good education moves or money moves for themselves and you just their ... sitting on your phone on the couch eating your life away . Not doing ANY and I mean ANY of school work or trying at all and it’s not because you don’t care but I mean you kinda don’t but also because you feel like you can’t or you just want someone to come tell you to do it but when they do you get mad ... at the fact that their telling you to do something and also the fact that others actually have to tell you to do good in school because you really don’t want to be that person that depends on other , you want to be independent and make decisions for your self and push yourself but ... you don’t . I just want to be successful yk ? Happy and have money to buy myself whatever I need and help out others , give back and make others happy if I can . But look right now I overthink like a mf and feel like either I won’t ever have kids or a family because I want to be like that young carefree stress free adult with no responsibilities regarding a child, obviously I would have other responsibilities, but I won’t have to deal with my kids and just have me to focus on because first Ik that kids can really change someone and then my life won’t be just about me anymore and it’s not that I’m selfish I just want to be able to go out whenever , wherever and not have to be looking for babysitters or anything like that and just have to take care of my self yk ? Basically saying that I guess that’s me wanting to hold onto that party of myself that is still young and only having myself. But that’s one of the ways I can see my life going ... which is no kids , maybe like a boyfriend or something , having a good career , nice house , nice car , nice life , good life right ? Because that sound good but then I think about the second option which would be a life WITH a family and I realize that if I chose the first one it would be many things I would be missing out on like experiencing giving birth , nurturing my kids and trying to be a best a mom as I could and just going through all that and everything that comes with being a parent and having and a nice family . I just don’t know which one will happen and who knows maybe when I’m reading this I have a kid or maybe I don’t but I just like to reassure myself that I’ll be fine and I hope I am. Although that is something that I think about often , what I think about the most is wtf am I going to do with my life regarding my education and career because how could I even think of having or not having a family with no money or income or job or anything . Like everyone seems to be good in school which I know I can be and I was before this whole corona virus ****** it ... I’ll get to that , but I just am not the best at school and feel like I might not graduate in time , I have way to many credits to make up and not enough time and Ik if I have perseverance I may be able to achieve my goals and graduate but what if I can’t ? Then I don’t have my high school diploma ? I’ll be a failure and disappoint so many people in my life and mostly myself because I really do want to graduate . And let’s say I don’t graduate what will be my life ? Will I work on some middle wadge job and nearly be able to afford rent , get knocked up and have the life you’ve always dreaded ? Or let’s say I do graduate WHAT plzz tell me WHAT will be my career I don’t want to sit in a cubicle for the rest of my life , I want to have a job I enjoy and am happy at but I’m not good at anything and the ok jobs are even more school and I feel like I’ll be throwing my youth away . It’s just SOOO many things that I used to never think about because I was a kid and now that I’m rapidly going into the adult world I’m scared at what I will do and if I’ll be happy . I just really hope that when your reading this your atleast healthy and with a plan on what you will do. I hope that I have moved out from my dads and that I learned how to drive and have my own place which would be a great start . (: although I’m scared that my life can go wrong or not the way I want it , I am optimistic that I will live a successful , long and happy life . But enough about the future Ik you want to know what you are currently going through so let me catch you up . So right now the whole world is going through an epidemic , the corona virus like that’s crazy this **** will be in my kids textbooks and they’ll ask me about it lmao . But anyways it ****** up school because you were actually getting your **** together and now your failing again ): but anyways it’s summer , almost your bday and I’m excited because it’s so hot outside I think the news said it’s gonna be one of the hottest summers and we can’t go out ): like ****** But anywho you recently broke up with ... let’s just say A yk who ;) and it hurt for a bit but Ik ima get over that boy and your trying to save up for a cart ... actually like 4 of em btw do you still smoke ? I hope you do, Ik you do lmaoo . And well parents are aight each of em have their flaws but cmon yk that parents aren’t perfect and it’s fine , more than fine because I’m actually very grateful that I have them and that they love me and give me what I need but how are they doing now ? It’s crazy how sometimes I think about cutting them out of my life once I’m older like what if I never saw them again because of my own choice just because . But when I really think about it , that could never be me because Ik I could never be withought them. So right now daisy is sitting laying next to you watching this cringe thing and dixy damelio wich btw her sister Charlie is the most popular on on tick tock and well there’s so many things but my fingers are tired so I’m just going to leave this here even thought theirs so many other things I want to tell you and talk about I love you so much and stay the strongest you only have yourself and family , your beautiful and have a big botty 🥰