A letter from May 24th, 2020

Time Travelled — almost 6 years

Peaceful right?

Dear Me Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play? Is it terrifying to grow up? Do we still think about our bio dad? Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too. I'm scared I'm scared for mom I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me. How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you

Epilogue

about 22 hours later

Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...

Edcrsa. Lliw eb a dan fo i i’m yaevdrey i hitnk orf my rscaed ilef iwelh. Ahs reserpsgin otu do mert lla ew sntur lgno lcytluaa het ectseff. Im’ swa dworl oyrrs ththgou? a erhwe ’dvleuow reve woh rhe wtih were’ ouy gtuothh nto in vedil u,raroa lvoe htelhya yuo nad. Ylaelr rfo be i ma do poisasn ltsil ti ahve crhetae a i ngigo a to nad. I yltru i od htnik otngte terbte, lrylea ve’we. Ahd ovle tub ndofu miet i ti t’nwas uttohgh wtha uoy ouy stih enedde ewe’v uyo khnit the. Otw rfo rae you sfdreni egiv veah ohw dan rdlow oyu yuo fro hwo yuo ovel ttha eth owudl eplope. Aisa,rs r)a(st remrbmee nod’t tsla tbu blael the ndaeecc mtei to i cnfas,er i yleqetrufn or ldetak nda ltsil katl you. Vree sotp i hmet itnkh dn’ot u’olyl vlngoi. We tno a ybraplbo tceexp oghaluth tge did uyo noe ailylnf duolw atot,to. A i het s’ti edn uyo lwdou miefcrant voel eotuq mofr okwn iwhhc tuhog,h empo. Lislt no rwtie oerm veer did i ouy htne lvoe hougthla ot sucof we etpyor. Seineglf dba it out hepsl eth get. ’vwee rdieopmv iwigtnr eeyrh’t nda sya wdolu otuab iwth and our i tpsiaaeson tslil gniisgn sgtihn slilsk btho we’re. Uor idd ti nda htat ni now up hucm plya, oevdl a so end romja i i ist’. Het na eenss ettrhae su ekma telotu sn’edot veigs nweh rof drlow. Up a is liltet scayr rwggoin. Uyo nya ebviele ucorstisintn dgino do ielk llew to dene ot ofr id’ tertyp hawt not rallye utb ’ewer t’ehser. Rvee eh in rewe’ i way ntikh eoscl thiw resti dotn’ tub hsi be otn add dan wno ell’w. We ewhn it era tsdnoe’ ujts nad bmemeerr ’ist ot eaesr dik ,npia oeelpp he prnaoitmt aws faielbll ewre eth nbor iwhel ahtt a. Woesr notetg oms’m. Veriomp tehlah ddi nevre swalya rostw ehr utb ttha i aws nowk yoru inhmgaert. Ot iogvdcrni eoj dna vgoinm coessrp laorinca raza othnr thwi ni es’hs fo eth. Yrros teh ’im ttha temna rieaelz to wree oyung are ,you how nda loyn you ot vree ’im eolv oot that epelpo oyu ysorr hrut. Isdk the onkw uoahhlgt rae i zara uotab good, lnoy. Has wsa elalyr our neo ohme and gao serya no a from revedecor iujnts htat dovme fwe mrof. Btu owgnr tlo sayalw hwit be fo essh’ sllti oggin ’sesh ruo z t’ehres rlgi a uol)d oa(sl abby ot ihntgs eys. Okwn erwe cardse ohw i ouy. Vyhretinge dba tingsh seedme oknw imet i het adkr and woh hwo lal tgo. Elss wokn rcsead iegirnfryt lwoud htat ltlis i yas esme i haev maek i ntghis eepplo i’m tub. Oosn adn vlaei ynemati not naghec gnogi tsh’ta ee’wr to tlsli. Dcrienileb lpehs ouy aliezre yuo hegianr mi’ reom nkiht ysa olwud hent i. Lwuod uldow be em eerh htat drpou ,of mrebrmee in ofr awy you iefl of i inhkt oudrp ot i eliv ot ttha edeend i you ebnig utb a even eb wtan ym. Estb i ”soc,olh het“ ewestnr vloe ’tsi did edn do pu ecoe,gll dan in nto ewhli ew alyrle. Fsfut rasdge its’ giamzan ew ceuesba hwen mtras aer era atbou aleryl aerc we rou. Ont ’id lwil am yas i i klei ruse fi kwon utb ot m’i i woh eevr. Thne laatuc fo easmk ti i hiknt to’dn istll tbu me ahtt t,niap pecase it ayhpp saw anosi,ps ti an i rome dlove yuo an. Revo be so fo hatt lal lryael nteeir sseen yan si yoru oot itinwrg lcaep emkas hte it iefl owdul ruyo. Ti we so we nintgtki cuhm uot ndofu terdi dan heta. Sa s’ti nanynigo hell. Crhae it out iths ont hmuc thur i’m hear tub her ouy ouwld to ot i wnko gongi to woh. Sayw ym erh gyrnti let us i nad in to istll ’im sfuree hse nudedrsant rtuh otni iefl to back. Teyencl,r tgo mridaer mmso aocoefbk swa i on hse postoh rhe eht. Uoy nda ehs vrene eovl yrors fo yuro gvea m’i uchm so hre tath reeesvdd ti. Fro ddi sidrfne btse tlyalcau uro eakc rdibhtay i daem the i ad,y eabk a roeht. Mena is dna hmi nkthi jc i shi oudlw eador uoy. Wchih dertha rou did roev vnere us rof hates aubto ew ndigriefrl teh ,tea gte. Do od rof ’ist of )byo! difrftene a ikdn r(siup!ers a ew ichwh we every ,t nsjcnetiio kwee yoejn. Og i hiws kacb to lkta in i adn uyo coldu itme. Tge nthsgi rteebt thrguoh i atht maed dan iesropm oyu ti. Vhae ni lycku etrhe ’uyero iefl reihsch ervyydea htme os oyu eeolpp to oryu aer nad taht. Yphpa we rctfpee terna’ ew’er but. Eehr ’ueory oemr uoy i tehn i otg erev ohw emdgiain vleo escebua ’dvuocel uoy. Be tgnriy ouy here i fi dn’itd tdlunwo’ eekp. Imomesset wkno etdir pmgnt,eti i uyo idtd’n wnko giigvn i up htta btu wsa so neve ew oot. And heer ’mi edysat uyo i loev absucee yuo.

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