A letter from May 23rd, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I hope you're happy. I thought of a thousand ways to write this letter and hope that future you is impressed with my writing and words today. But as I'm writing I think its only fair to be honest. I think I'm at a stage in my life where I am questioning everything I've done and honestly, I am so scared of the future. I fear that I'm choosing the wrong major that I could've loved being a teacher or vet. I'm mostly scared of being alone and no I don't mean romantically, although we're lacking in that department right now and still haven't experienced true love. Again I hope you truly are happy, in love with life and maybe someone else! I hope you find time to travel now or have within the past few years. I know that we graduated even if it wasn't at UNR and that we're doing well in law school. I hope that we have a puppy and that Ryder is still a pest and that we never forget our baby girl Ruby (she had her surgery last month and she's ******* it now). Please don't cry reading this I know I am now thinking of the thought of not having her in the future. As of right now I'm struggling with our self-image, although, that shouldn't come as a shock as we always have, I am working on myself. I know this is so out of order and random but I think that's the beauty that lies behind this letter. I know for a fact that in a few years I will completely forget that I wrote this but I hope you appreciate it. The one thing that has been on my mind lately is growth in ourselves, relationships, and love. I'm so scared to lose those close to us right now because I am **** at communicating. I hope you're in love right now, real love, the kind we see in movies! I hope it's not toxic and that he's the one, the kind of love that hurts. And if we're not that's okay! Maybe we have experienced that and have been heartbroken if so, I'm proud of you! And I don't mean that in a sappy cliche way, I really do mean that because right now we're lonely and so afraid of commitment and fully opening up to anyone. Not to mention anytime I do it's to a stupid boy who lives far away. I hope you have more answers to life or wisdom! I am so lost and I yearn to find my way but it like I'm tied to a rope of needing to impress and fulfill. I wanna travel, I wanna explore and step out of my comfort zone! I hope you've done that and if not this is a reminder and should serve as a sign to do so! I'm in quarantine right now after several months, life for everyone has changed I don't want you make stupid excuses! Be impulsive nothing should be holding you back and if it is make TIME. I have so much on my mind and I don't know how to put it into words and have so much anger inside me and I need time to reflect but it's been impossible now. Don't take life for life granted and appreciate every moment of your life. I'm scared of what we'll experience in the future losing a loved one, losing a job, going through other hardships. But tell our loved ones we love them every day and cry when you need to! Just promise me that! Love a 19-year-old who just finished her first year of college in quarantine