A letter from May 24th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Okay, so I was going to do a big emotional letter explaining every little event that has led you to where you are right now. But it gave me a headache and made me uncomfortable, so you’re just going to have to tolerate a half assed, not serious letter. By my standard math skills, you should be turning 23 in a few days, so happy birthday! At the time of writing this I am 18 (in a few days) and in the middle of my HSC year. I know you’ve probably done something much more difficult than this, like uni or something. BUT IM NOT HAVING FUN. I’m tired of these hoes. It’s been 13 years same Jesus-y ******** day in, day out. I’ve NEVER had a sturdy friendship to last longer than a few years. (Maybe C.Htn, but come on, surely that doesn’t count). I have no ******* CLUE what I want to do when I leave school. At the moment I’m considering doing Psychological Science at Deakin University. But past few days have got me thinking, if i can’t even write a letter about my own emotions to myself; how the **** am i going to help other people. So I don’t know what to do about that. I was thinking about travelling for a year or so and having some fun. But Corona has just happened and they predict everything will be closed for 18 months. So that’s kind of ****** my plans in its’ petite little *******. Furthermore, YOU’RE a lonely *****. I’ve set up the tinder profile and I’m trying my hardest to trap a man, to no avail. I just wanna be loved. It’s not too much to ask for. I am a recovering self-loather. I hated myself for years. Arguably, my whole life. So I’m still sorting out the kinks. The main reason you hated yourself was your gross, frumpy, man-baby body. I’m like 95% sure that I had body dysmorphia because I specifically remember myself being HUGE, but I look back in videos and photos, and I’m a twink! So I’m not sure how that works. I’m trying to exercise more, for you, and it’s working a little bit. But I struggle with the eating. I had a small wave of anxiety last Friday and ate: nearly a whole popcorn bag, a sandwich, a massive hunk of bread, some shapes and a chai tea. OOOH, as well as dinner. So, I’m sorry if I’ve given you heart disease or obesity. Speaking of obesity, you almost were. You had a BMI that was closer to “Obese”, than it was to “healthy”. So that’s kind of scary. And just a small request, if you could stop thinking about everyone dying as a first instinct to them being late or getting sick, that’d be just SWELL. Anyway I’m going to wrap it up here. Hope you aren’t still a virgin and have found a sense of identity. See ya king! xxx (If you do have a boyfriend, make sure u treat him like a king. It’s hard enough finding ONE. It’s unlikely we will fool another. And tell him 18 year old you, loves him very very much)