A letter from May 22nd, 2020

Dear Max in the future, hi. this is junior you. it's 6 pm on May 22, 2020. you're about to eat dinner with mom because the boys are with dad. it's the shrimp pasta broccoli you always like. or i. idk lol. quarantine has been going on since march 13. it's sad. although when you go to work you get to see fiona and quinn afterwards, it's not the same. everything is just sad. i miss everyone. i miss myself. you probably aren't going to remember how you felt five years ago, but it sucks. i've seriously thought about attempting. i'm only ever sad or mad. i'm not happy anymore. i hope that you're happy with your life right now. i can't do math and you probably can't by then either, but i'm guessing five years from now is maybe your last year of college. i wonder what school we got into. it would be nice if we got accepted into new paltz or purchase. i hope i'm still working at starbucks, i always like working there. i hope by now we've gotten top surgery. i talked about it with mom again today and she said i should focus on school first and wait until i'm off dads health insurance. i don't want to wait. i just want to be happy with my body. i hope future me is closer than i am right now. i hope all my friends are still alive. it's really sad to think that, but fiona tried to attempt last week or so, and it only hit me a few days later that she could've actually succeeded. i never would have been able to hug her or see her again. she's been one of our best friends for the longest time, and it would hurt so much to lose her. i don't know if i would be able to move on if she died. i hope she's ok and that she found someone real to be with and that she's happy. **** genevieve lol. and that she got into a good college, because she's honestly really smart and deserves to be doing great things with her life. i wonder how quinn is doing. i really hope he got into SCAD. SCAAD? whatever the name is, he's always loved it, it sucks that he can't go this summer and meet peyton. right now he's known her for about five years? i'm pretty sure that's what he told me. but he was looking so forward to going to the summer program with her. but i really hope he ended up going to that school. my *** better be staying in touch with everybody or im gonna have someone kick the **** out of you ok. how are hannah and iz doing? i hope they're still together. they better be or im about to be REAL upset. they've always been the best couple i've ever known. they've been with each other for about 3 and a half years now. i hope hannah got into the new school. she always talks about it. is the family group chat still active? please tell me eyeball sriracha and somohexuals aren't dead. please tell me you've met one of our online friends. i'm going to riot if we haven't met them by then. i hope you took Brian to college. and our music account has maybe grown a bit? i hope we've found love. real love. **** maggie, she's still a *****. i hope you haven't talked to her EVER. i need to delete her phone number. i hope someone is treating me right, and you're treating her right. i hope i've legally changed my name. and got tattoos. and piercings. please have a septum. how was the first party we've ever been to? as crazy as quinn's? that would be fun lol. i'm terrified of the future. i'm afraid of letting people down. i'm sure you still know what that feels like lol. like no matter what you do you're gonna disappoint yourself or others you love or both. i miss being happy. i hope you're happy, really. i hope everyone is happy. i hope i don't feel as low as i do right now, because i have hope i'm not gonna feel this sad for much longer. i hope i love myself. i hope you love you. i'm probably gonna forget about this in a week. have fun. from you five years ago :)