A letter from May 22nd, 2020

Dear FutureMe, You are 28 weeks and 3 days pregnant. You’ve been sleeping over at jakes house pretty much all week! We had only 2 days of work this week! How good! I’ve spent that last couple of nights waking from 2:30am -3:30am and staying up for hours. Yesterday pepe was kicking a lot! But not so much this am. We spent the evening with Jesse and Charlotte last night playing bowling. We can second to last each time... we have never played that bad until last night!! The time is currently 6:01am on a Saturday. This last year has been hard for us. Firstly we’re pregnant at 19 with a baby that definitely wasn’t expected... but not only we are very excited for. We’re still earning minimum wage at the ****** New World. I can’t wait for what our future will be. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life... all I know is I want to do heaps of different things! I don’t know whether having a baby now is going to hinder that or not.... but I really hope it doesn’t. I’ve gotten a lot of advice saying that a baby doesn’t have to take over your whole life... like it’s okay to still have a life with a baby. I’ve found this hard to believe or hard to see as I grew up with a mum who was there for me and our siblings for years! I feel like she’s an overprotective parent... I’m not in the best place with her at the moment. You’ll remember when her and us had that fight and didn’t talk for almost 2 months... I went crawling back and apologised. We started to get a long after that... but not long after Keenan backed his bags also and left for I think 3 months....! He then comes back and gets treated like royalty! Don’t get me wrong he’s a lot better now, but I feel very disrespected in terms of both of our partners. One, when Jake and I broke up she didn’t like how he spoke to me. She won’t let him in the house and when our baby is born I’m not sure if she will even let him in. She already doesn’t look at him as the father and I feel like she thinks I’m going to do it on my own with her. I’m very hurt over that! Two, she ranted on to me one day about how she didn’t want Keenan’s girlfriend over ever again (because of **** that went down between Keenan and her). Yet last weekend she came over. And spent the bloody night! Now Jake didn’t do anything wrong to her and Talia didn’t either but she won’t even speak to Jake or consider him as anything. She even spoke to our ex who tried raping us the first time she say him in the supermarket. I definitely think we have been dealt a tough hand. But I’m trying to stay positive and look towards the future. It’s a bummer that Jake and I aren’t living together yet... we’re waiting until his next season where he can hopefully get a new job and a bigger house, so out baby and us can live together. It’s quite upsetting, because I did want to raise baby with Jake... and I’m still hoping for that but I’m not sure when that will be. I also don’t want to wait that long either!! Haha Anyway you and Jake are okay... you both have also had it pretty tough this week also. But one thing you’re definitely glad about is Jesse. We’re very blessed for Jesse as we have started getting a long finally and hanging out. Rip you still have no friends! But Charlotte has been great company these last couple of weeks which has been really nice! No update on tylah.... I haven’t heard from her still (not a suprise) but what is is how quickly she dumped Jesse and just let her go. I’m not happy about that! Anyway I’m very excited for maternity leave! It just means no more New World! And I sure hope our dumbass WILL NEVER go back there! For the future... I hope we’re working a job that we actually love! And continue to do heaps and try different things! I hope we’re still with Jake and everything with our relationship gets better. I hope our family is in a good financial situation. I hope I have another baby in the next 5 years (planned this time!!!). I hope Jesse continues to stay in our lives (more than just a sister). I hope Charlotte does too! I hope we are able to pull in some more friends! I hope we are happy... maybe living a stressful busy life, but I hope we’re happy. And definitely have better organisation skills!! It is now 6:23am and I cried, smiled, laughed, was sad writing this. I also can’t wait to receive this letter in the future. I just hope our love turns around and we’re living a life we want to live. I look forward to this Jo. Yours sincerely 🖤