A letter from May 22nd, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Congratulations! We made it. We finally graduated high school and on our way to UNC Charlotte. It feels like only yesterday when I was absolutely stressing about where the hell we're gonna end up at. While actually affording college is another issue we come across, I know we'll get through it. I'm exactly sure where we're gonna end up at in 5 years, I can only hope we're still alive. High school has been one hell of a ride and to be fair we didn't exactly spend so much time and a part of me regrets not doing what I wanted during those 4 years. It felt like I was forced to grow up even more than I already have. Every time i see other high schoolers doing just random fun things that a high schooler is expect to do, it makes me regret my experience. I decided to take dual enrollment classes so i wouldn't be forced to spend so much on college, i've lost friends that meant everything to me, and community college felt pretty lonely seeing as didn't have any classes with my friends. Now, I'n not saying my overall high school experience was bad, I've bad plenty of laughs and tears of joy. The friends i've made, the memories i made at my first job, and the lessons i learned when pursing the wrong things. All my life i've been haunted with such traumatic and heart-wrenching memories, i oftentimes forget to glance back at the specks of light in my life. During times lie this, even if there's a global pandemic happening, i love to look back at the time of love and laughter. Our graduating class wasn't big but knowing that one of my best friends managed to be valedictorian, it fills me with such pride and joy. She deserves that and so much more. A drive-thru graduation isn't all that but knowing that she managed to hear me honk for her is enough for me. They didn't get the chance to honk when my name was called and it's a little depressing but i was able to honk enough for all of us. Much love and support to their future endeavors. Freshmen year went by in a flash. I can still remembering thinking about the 4 long years ahead of me and being ready to step into the real world. And here I am. What a journey. My first year was memorable to say the least. I had classes with strangers who would later become my close friends, made harmful jokes (don't worry we apologize and move on), had our first finals, first secret Santa, first homecoming, first spirit week, first SENIOR crushes (funny to think 13/14-year-olds crushing on 17/18 year-olds), first volunteer hours, first clubs, and of course, first end of the year celebration. We've had so many first it's crazy to think how far we've come. Sophomore year was something new. I've recently learned that it's not new that sophomore's experience some form of depression and it's crazy how till this day we're still dealing with such battle. If only we had some avoided it during our naïve lives of freshmen year. We began to developed more in terms of maturity, taking drivers ed, volunteer, harder courses, etc. If i'm being completely honest, i cannot remember much during this year. It's very scattered in m brain, very blurry. I wish i could talk more about this year but nothing comes up. While one very vivid memory does come up, i won't go into detail, our parents arguing and deciding to get a divorce while they argued who will stay with the kids. Of course, they didn't get one. And a small part of me, wishes they had. Junior year wasn't as stressful as others put it. This year, i finally took dual enrollment courses at the local community college as well as finally taking AP courses. Or just the one that would actually fit in my schedule. This was also the year i got my first job and i'm glad i left as soon as i did, was finally able to drive myself, and was finally able to take responsibilities of my actions. Now, keep in my mind we were 16 at the time. Barely a teen. I'll talk more about my first job later. This was also the year I began to see less and less of my friends. We were all trying to pursue our associates in high school which meant we didn't get to see each other as much as i wished. I also spent less time at the actual high school. This was also the year my sister tried to end her life. She makes jokes about it know, to cope, but I can remember sobbing to my mom. Ever since then, i've spent much of my time with her, became closer. That's all I'm saying for now. I hope she's okay in the future. Now, Senior year, what a twist of events. Never did i suspect having to spend my graduation inside of a car and taking a picture with my principle at the window. The year started off at community college, full time. This time my friends and I were able to spend much more time together because of our flexibility (2nd semester of junior yr too). After quitting my job and working with my best friends felt much more better than my first job. However, I didn't expect to spend my second semester at home as I finished school on video calls. But honestly what a way to end the class of 2020, we always deemed ourselves as the "last best class" and that's because we grew up with and without technology during our developing process and nothing fits this class better than ending the century with a bang. The class of 2020 has always wanted to be remembered and we are going down in history, while not necessarily a good thing, at least we'll forever be remembered and mentioned. Not many classes can say that. My first job is something I don't like remembering. Being pressured to go on a date with a 20-year-old as a 16-year-old, while continuously being ******** assaulted by workers, really caused me to grow up. I never said anything because as a child you're scared no one will believe you and I couldn't stand being in the same area as that man so I left. Said nothing to no one and just left. My friend supported me and got me job with her and i loved working with my best friends. I have never told anyone this information and I hope that as an older version of me you've managed to get through it. #metoo We've managed to get this far in life despite the times you've thought of ending all the pain and misery, here we still stand with scars and stains but a fighter nonetheless. As the years go by, please don't lose hope, don't lose your mind. We're strong and beautiful. As a first-generation woman of color from an immigrant family, we are here to prove ourselves and the world that we are able to do the things others can. Everything our parents have done, break laws, move across the country, leave behind family, drop everything for us, it's for this moment. We Are Not Allowed To Give Up. You can do this. I know i'll be sending this to you, five years later, and you've probably already or are graduating from college but never forget where you came from. Don't be embarrassed about your past, your family, your income, your heritage. You came from nothing and now I hope we have a title to our name. We deserve succeeding for our mother who couldn't fulfill her dream as a nurse/doctor and to our father who breaks every bone in his body just to see us happy and succeed in a world that wasn't built for us. You do this for us and for them. I will always love you even when you don't love yourself because I know what it feels like to lose hope. See you in five years. <3