A letter from May 20th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, By the time you're reading this you'll be 24 about to be 25. Yay 25! Probably the last mile stone for a while lol. Im looking forward to being 20 years old but its kinda just another year of 19 just no longer being a teenager. But we never really were a teenager when we were supposed to be. Our childhood was stolen at 7. Having to be way to mature so young, you never really felt like you fit as a pre-teen or even a teenager. It was always, "12 going on twenty!" or "13 going on 30!". But if in that moment you just wanted to be 12? or 13? Never had the chance. Even through all of the abuse, from the people who should've been taking care of you that eventually grew into self abuse. Never feeling good enough for parental attention and if the slightest thing is wrong its YOUR fault. You thought growing up your father was your everything.. You moved to 32 homes, went to 14 different schools all before graduating high school. He was all you felt you had when you felt you had escaped the abuse and he was saving you, you really fell into the trap. You had been starving yourself, burning, cutting, anything to feel.. well. anything. You found ways to heal yourself and all he did was take that way and manipulate you. Lauren, It wasn't your fault. The person in your life who was supposed to help and guide you in life did nothing but manipulate your entire life, but really tried to set you up for failure and he didn't care what he would have to do in order to get what he wanted. You know what i've grown to love about myself? I embrace my past, present and future. I wouldn't change anything we have been through because they are all lessons. I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for my past. The only real man who has ever actually been there to help you not only love yourself, but really help you grow, be a better person everyday, love you unconditionally and give you his all, is Isaac. :) We are currently married and have our own beautiful house together! Crazy right? and to think I wasn't going to see 16. Im so glad we found the strength to hold on. I hope you've kept holding on.. Just remember to enjoy the ride and embrace the falls. Whenever one door closes, the universe opens a better one. Your destiny is great! Your destiny is your own. I hope you're doing something that makes you happy :) only 2 more years til you plan to have a baby! Haha I mean 27 just sounds like the perfect age to start but I meeeaan I wouldn't be too upset if its already happened lmfao! I already know your'e still with Isaac. Its a different kind of connection. Remember, if you know you know. OH! Make sure to give mom a call :) She does make the best friend. Even though she will never stop talking on the phone, enjoy it. Make even record a few phone calls. You never know which is the last.. Enjoy every second. You missed out on so much of your life without her really enjoy it while shes here. AND I STG you better have an amazing relationship with the all of the siblings!! I hope Peter finally has a phone so I can actually give him a call and have a relationship with my brother. Check up on Bella. She looks up to you. No matter how hard it has been, youre an amazing big sister. I cant even write that without crying I know you're crying like a ***** right now :) I have to say I think this is it. Im going to get some Sherbet and watch Harry Potter with my hubby. Love you! This too shall pass.