A letter from May 20th, 2020

Dear Future Me, Things haven't started off all that great this year. COVID-19 ravaged the country and snatched away a lot of the joy that was supposed to be felt with your incoming senior year. But a lot of things went right too. Let's start all the way back when you hit rock bottom to see some improvement in your life. Remember when you were in that 3-year-long toxic relationship where you had nothing but resentment for that person for the better half? You made it through that. And you learned a LOT about yourself and others. You learned to look for true empathy in your romantic partners and those who you keep close. You learned how to stand up for yourself and express not only your opinions but your boundaries that you established and how they should be enforced. This lead to you being more authoritative in your life and taught you a lot about how to ask for things in life. While you may still hate that person for being the piece of **** that they were (and still are), you have every right to be angry for what they put you through. However, one day you'll have to learn to live and let die for your own sake. Maybe you've already done it by now, but just in case you haven't, here's your reminder that any time is a good time to heal past wounds. Remember when right after you broke up with the said person that you moved on within 3 days because you hated them so much? While you may still think that was a mistake, if you hadn't done it time may have been altered in a way that your future may not have favored. Your life could have been completely different had you made a different choice. You may have resentment toward that person too for the things they did to you and the way they made you feel, and that's okay. That's all part of the healing process you're going through in life. That person made you feel unimportant, unworthy, and like you just weren't enough. Commitment issues on their side translated into unworthiness or disinterest in you. Things like that really hurt you, and you still have anxiety about it as you wrote this. You struggled with it so hard because this person made you feel as if you just weren't good enough to have their affection. And when they left you, it left you feeling broken and unwanted. You spent most of summer 2019 in a heartache spell, so upset that you could barely work while feeling utterly depressed and so disappointed by your other options. But this is where things started to turn into one of the greatest years in your entire life. On August 1st, you started talking to someone that would change your life forever. You didn't know it then (or maybe you did) how big this was for you. YOu started talking to Braiden. Sending Snapchats to each other after meeting through Bumble. You were skeptical at best when it came to new prospects for a partner; terrified to get your heart broken again by another careless boy. But something told you to take that chance and pursue him. So you did. You two talked on the phone at night and fell asleep over the phone after hours of conversation. You talked about all the different things you two had in common. Games, sports, likes, dislikes. You two really hit it off. You made a little gift for him to show how much you started to care. That part really changed the rest of your life. You showed him that you were more than just a passing fling, and you wanted to be something more to him. So you two went off to college to start your junior year at Baylor, and you fell in love. You shared your first kiss and night together all in the same night because you were so enthralled that you couldn't pull yourself away. At that moment, you were so happy that you couldn't stop smiling. Something in you knew that this was the beginning of something beautiful and permanent. You kept sharing these little moments together every single day for months, growing closer and closer until you both agreed that you were meant for each other. You both nurtured a strong, healthy, and love-filled relationship that you still cherish to this day. That honeymoon phase never really wore off because you two LOVE each other. You both recognized early on that you're each other's best friend. Everything you do together is full of joy, laughter, love, and jest. Every time you two go somewhere you light up the room with humor and you radiate love for one another. All these little moments and events add up to the time you've spent together. All these little moments happen consecutively because they never stop. You two are always enjoying each other's presence and having the time of your lives. The best part about 2019 and 2020 is that you finally figured out that that is what true love is. You learned what the secret to a happy life is. You not only overcame past trauma, but you built up a life that makes you AND the others around you happy. A life that is so full of appreciation, love, and admiration that you can't help but show it to others and inspire them to search for one themselves. So while you may look back on the past and think about how bad 2019 and 2020 were in terms of global events and personal trauma, think about how it was actually a year of drastic growth, learning, and discovering what true happiness is. You not only got yourself out of a toxic and overbearing relationship, but you also got your heartbroken and managed to show everyone how resilient you were. You fought through your dad getting diagnosed with cancer. You healed emotionally and mentally to the point where you could go long periods of time without crying or having a mental breakdown. You were finally starting to become a strong young woman that you were supposed to be. You did this by stomping down any obstruction in your path to greatness with the help of your best friend. You met the love of your life who encouraged you to be the best you can be during every step of the way on this rocky journey. He was there to support you when you found out about your dad's cancer diagnoses and he still is. He continued to stay by your side through everything and make sure that you were still okay. He showed you so much love and made sure you felt it. And he still does. So, no, these years weren't "bad" years for you by any means. They were growing years that were stepping stones on your way to the life you've always wanted. Even after you read this and write another letter, you will continue to grow and change for the better because life is all about growth and movement. You are all about growth and movement. And I hope you remember that every time you think you are having a bad day, a bad month, or a bad year. Every plant must face a storm that brings water to dry roots. The wind may be harsh and the rain might hurt, but the water will inspire growth and evolution. I hope you grow into the big century oak that I know you can be. Sincerely, Your past self from 2020