A letter from May 20th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Hi I hope you’re happier than I am right now. You just made your move from Colorado to Tennessee and at this very moment you’re sitting up at 1:47 am watching Gargantia an anime you recently got into. I wonder what the future holds for me of if I’m even still here on this earth. Suicidal thoughts are no stranger to me and I’m scared that one day I will succumb to those thoughts. Hopefully 5 years from now I’m still here but we never know what the future holds. If I had to guess where I’ll be in 5 years I hope that I’ll be almost done with school to be a history teacher or professor. Will I have anyone I love? Or any kids? As of right now I don’t want any kids and want to be single so I can live my life to the fullest in my 20’s. In 5 years I’ll be 26 so I will still be young but hopefully not as naive. I hope you got to go to Japan like you wanted so you could have fresh sushi and see a whole new culture that is completely different. Are Oma and Omee still there? God I hope so but Oma has had her scares. Especially with this Coronavirus Pandemic going on you could never know. Dang that’s crazy to think that I’d actually live through a nationwide no, worldwide pandemic. I have brown hair with blonde highlights right now and hair reaches past my ***** so I wonder if that will be any different. I’m also attempting to do keto to get my weight down. Did it work? Did I get the body I’ve always wanted? How are your friends like Rachel, Rhiannon and Ja’Mari, Angala, and the boys? Are they doing well and are you all still in contact? God I hope so because they’re one of a kind. I miss them a lot moving to Tennessee and having no one. Although angala will be moving here I feel so trapped by my family. How’s your relationship with dad? I have so many questions about the future but I’ll talk about right now and my goals for the future. In 5 years I want to be happy. I want to be living a life where I can live comfortably and not living from paycheck to paycheck. I want to have a dog of my own. A rescue pup for sure. Maybe have someone I love in bed with me every night and that I can bring home to the family. A man that loves video games, anime, and all things nerdy. A man who isn’t afraid to play me in beer pong knowing he would get beat. But if I don’t that’s okay too. I want to have my friends close to me and I want to still be going out and having fun. I want to lose weight so I can finally wear the clothes that I’ve always wanted to. I want to get hand tattoos and even more than that. I want to make my family proud and love who I am. Please don’t ever lose sight of who you are and never lower your standards of what you truly want. I want to see Blair, Jax, Ava, and Kason (as of now) grow up and become cute little kids. Please love yourself and try to make it past any suicidal thoughts you might have. If you can’t do it for yourself do it for your friends. Remember when Nathan cried because you were about to take the plunge and he saved you along with Rachel and Angala? Don’t ever forget. I hope this letter doesn’t end up in my junk folder because I’d love to read it and I actually look forward to it. Also what kind of car are you driving? I’m driving the black Subaru Forester XT turbo charged as of right now so that’ll be cool to think I have another car lol. I love you and I’ll see you in five years. Sincerely, Lauren Slate 21