A letter from May 19th, 2020

Dear Future Me, It’s been 5 years from right now. I want you to take a moment, and look around. What can you see? Is there anything that I wished for now? If so, smile. If not, smile and work toward those goals. You have so much going for you in life. I already wrote a letter, but this one’s a little different. Because I don’t know if you’re even going to be alive. I promise I’m trying to fix my problems, and I’ve been successful in keeping the desire to take the easy way out in check and ignoring it, but I don’t know how long I can keep this going. I’m trying to find a therapist, but you know how broke I am. If I can’t find a solution... I’m so so so sorry. You already know this, but I’m actually weak. The mask I put up right now doesn’t show that, so when I feel it, I feel it. Do you still have that mask? Have you tried taking it off again? You might be around new people, it’s possible that you won’t be rejected and bullied like last time. I don’t intend on trying again until after schools over... or anytime soon after that. I’m working on joining the military right now, are you in and have the goal position? If so, that’s super awesome. Have you published any of the drafts you have in Docs? Have you shared any more of the excerpts? Did you figure out how to write the excerpt on hope for Jake? Because I’m totally stuck, I’ve never written about hope and it’s hard to explain that feeling. How many books has Mom published? Were you able to come up with an idea on how she’s going to write the one for you? Is Amber’s as funny as I imagine it’s going to be? Have you and Amber finally written the villain story? I hope so, we need more villains like that. Oh, and the one with the girl and *****? I love that story. Which version do you guys decide on? My favorite’s the one where she rejects the Gift. So much funnier that way. Did Bill Gates call Dad? Is the dream house a reality? Are you still playing the violin? Please say you are, because that’s like the one thing keeping me going right now (well, all music but playing it helps). Have you tried playing piano again? Rachael gave some awesome tips on reading bass clef, do you remember? Speaking of, are you talking to Rachael and Elena? Are they answering their texts? I hope they’re ok, they haven’t been answering mine. The Viking, Assassin and Knight need to keep the Dream Team going... build that dream we planned when we first met. Anyway. Have MDCBK, SubZero, Let’s Play, Siren’s Lament, Lore Olympus and Purple Hyacinth (to name a few) ended? Do they end with awesomeness or throw-phone-across-room? Follow up question, how many phones do you have if the latter option is applicable :P Aims, I know this is extremely hard and that you struggle with a lot of the factors within the tapestry making up a life, but you got this. I promise you do. Heavenly Father is always here for you, please realize that in this moment, right now, if I haven’t set the domino effect forward to truly understand this simple yet complicated fact. Read your patriarchal blessing, pray, and study the scriptures. Those primary answers are so critical to happiness and stable mentality, or the beginning of it. If you aren’t here, and someone else has found this letter, please know that I never meant anyone harm. Please make sure my family is okay, I love them. They mean everything to me. Helaman 5:12 Mosiah 4:30 Ether 12:4 ————— Lonely Eyes- Lauv Faouzia NO- Meghan Trainer Alan Walker Black Gryph0n (Gabriel Brown) Marshmallow Chainsmokers All country Lindsey Stirling Piano Guys ————— These have brought me happiness, I can’t list all my favorite books because I’d run out of room ;D You are loved, girl. You got this in the bag, you just need to decide to have the courage to take life by the horns and holding on tight. I know you have that strength, you got it from Dad. Bringing a butt-load of memories, Your Past Self