A letter from May 19th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, It's may 2020, I'm 18 years old. I'm supposed to be working on a assignment that's due in 1.5 days. I don't want to write about how I hope to be in the future because I understand those things are dependent on the actions I take today and tomorrow. Whoever you are in this point of time I hope you're kind to yourself. Currently I'm in my psych degree (1st semester) and I'm enjoying it. I am enjoying what I am learning however due to COVID19 all schooling is online. Meaning I had to miss out on my first year of uni. i was very upset about in the beginning however I choose to look at the brighter side of things. Currently what aspire for the future is very confusing. I love psychology and I could imagine life. Like going to grad school and getting my masters and possible a pHD. becoming a clinical psychologist, with a 9-5 job. Something that gives me stability. I can see myself living in a cute little apartment where I paint on the weekends and its filled things from my travels. But it's also scary. It's scary cause I don't want have my entire life planned out. What I want adventure and opportunities, something I could never imagine doing. Right now I'm really into the idea of filmmaking and the creative process behind it. Maybe it'll like my art and poetry, something just for me or I'll gain a new life path. I like to think I have everything figured right now and it mainly because I am happy. I truly am happy. I understand that there's a pandemic but personally I am in a good place. This year I've been consciously working to better my life. I'm working on being able to go places and do thing by myself. Been exercising more, taking care of myself. I suppose that's one of the things that scare me the most is the fact this could all be gone and I would be back to where I was in the last two years. for context the last years (grade 11 and 12) I was miserable. I defiantly had some good times however I was depressed and was constantly crying. i felt like I had lost myself in those two years. Now it feels like after months of stitching myself back together I know myself again. Like I'm at peace with the universe. I don't really have many friends right now. I kinda left my high school friends behind and my best friend moved to another country. I remember my 3 weeks at uni I feeling insecure about my lack of friends. I will say that I was proud of myself for what I did with in those 3 weeks of uni. that fact that I went to club meeting with strangers and talked to all of them. The fact I managed to make some friends even. I'm super proud of myself. I'm on this journey of self improvement and I can only hope it never ends. This year has defiantly been weird so much has happened in the world in so little time. I feel no one is even shocked anymore when serious tragedy strikes. They say the pandemic is going to cause a massive recession and my heart goes out to those who lost their jobs. There are people who family's depending on them, people are getting kicked out houses. We're going to be struggling for a little while it seems. I don't really have expectations from you because I know you and I both we are doing our best and that all I can ask.