A letter from May 19th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Its me, Lonnie. We have a lot to talk about. Right now, you are 19. I am absolutely terrified of turning 20 because that's getting old. I feel lost because I will soon be 20 years old and i have no idea what to do with my life. I have so much pressure to know what I want to do. But truthfully, I have no idea who I am. Im currently majoring in social work. This is a career that I have always wanted to pursue. Im in my second year of college now. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully you graduated, and are helping people the way you have always dreamed of. Currently we are in the pandemic. I have lost my job at the mall. I couldn't go back to college. I simply sit at home. Feeling useless. These times are very hard because I was so used to having a day to day routine. I would see Zubia every single day. I haven't seen her in months. I hope you and Zubia are still friends. Because right now she truly is the only reason you are hanging on. Zubia is your person. And if for any reason you don't talk anymore. Get in contact with her.. NOW. But anyway, quarantine has taken quite a toll on me. Being alone all day in my thoughts is very hard. I feel completely useless. I feel like if I wasn't here maybe things would be better. Nothing really matters. Why are we here? What is the point. You have lost quite a few friends and that's very hard for you right now. Abby, Jenny, Vanessa M, Vanessa S. You grew a lot with those girls. Seeing them turn their backs on you was really ******* hard. I hope you are stronger by now. Right now the world is beating you up. And you're not feeling so strong anymore. I hope you have figured things out. If you don't have a boyfriend by now... just give up lol. I have yet to even have my first kiss. who will it be?? maybe by now you can tell me lol. did you blush? or do you feel like crying now? I hope you haven't gone through too much heart break. never stop being you. the caring girl you are should never change. your heart is you best trait. did you get your nose job??? I really hope you did. cause right now that's your biggest most utterly horrible insecurity. jk you're beautiful. At least I hope by now you feel beautiful.. Living with grandma is the best. Never forget what good times you had gardening with her... even if you hated it. Im positive that lady will live to be 100. Keep giving her kisses on the cheek. When covid-19 started, you had to stop kissing her. And that's all you ever wanted to do. I think ill wrap this up now. I hope you're there to read this. I hope you're happy now. I hope 24 treats you good. I hope you go out with your friends. Are you pregnant? Do you have kids yet? please say no. Im currently aiming for 27 to start a family. (that's if I ever find a boyfriend) ... or girlfriend. but that's coming from me who still doesn't know what she wants. okay... i hope all of your dreams came true. Sincerely, 19 year old Lonnie <3