A letter from May 18th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, It's May 18th, 2020. this year has been insane. So much has happened. But we don't need to worry about the news. It's just about you right now. I have questions. First, what am i doing with my life? I don't know what to do in the future. I gave up hair, and i want to model still but I don't know if it will be my future. Am I in college?! 5 years seems so far. I'll be old by then haha. It's crazy to think that 22 year old me will read a letter 17 year old me wrote. Second question, am I in love? I'm still VERY single and horny lmao. I think my type is skater boys, and every single girl i lay my eyes on. I think a relationship would be good for me. Being committed to someone is scary. I hope I've kinda gotten over that fear. Did I have a hoe phase?? please tell me I did lol. The idea of playing men sounds hilarious. How many girlfriends have I had? What's my relationship with mom and dad? I think if i see Monique I will explode. I hate thinking about all that ****. But hopefully when I read this I will be okay. How am I... mentally. Right now it's hard getting through the day. Mom and Mr. Small want me to see a psychiatrist. I've been really depressed since October 2019. The good thing to think about though is that if in 5 years, when i get this letter I can reflect on everything and maybe see how far I've come. I mean if I'm alive another 5 years I'd say that's a huge accomplishment. Corona better be over when I read this. We have been inside for MONTHS. My depression has definitely gotten worse inside. I just want a summer! I hope everything will calm down by senior year. I want my senior year to be good. I can't believe I'm officially a senior. Insane... My closest friends are Mikayla, Nicole, Dalilah, Audrey V, Christian, Sarah, Korah and audrey and izzy. I miss them a lot right now. Senior year will be fun with them. Am I living with Mikayla?! That would be sick, even though we live together now lol. My interests right now are skateboarding, making bracelets, magick, ukelele, and of course smoking lol. I haven't had enough energy to really do any of this but i hope i continue to do them. Well i don't really know what else to write so..... see you in 5 years <3 take care of me haha