A letter from May 18th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, It’s May 17, 2020, coronavirus time. It better be gone by then or I guess the world really is ending. It has been a bad year, I’ve been helpless and I feel so much regret. I’m not happy with anything anymore, somedays I don’t feel like doing anything but no one can know that I’m having a bad day everyday. Things with Melanie are bad.....like really bad, I don’t think I could do it anymore. Nothing will ever be the same anymore. I don’t know who I am anymore and what I want my life to be. I thought I had it all sorted out last year but it’s been really bad and I don’t think it should be this bad........I’ve wanted to die 3 times now but didn’t go through with it. I have no friends, I literally don’t trust anyone anymore. I’m not saying all this to make you feel sad and remind you of our past. I’m just saying all this cause I want that feeling of “My life is perfect now” feeling again......I miss that feeling. Now all I feel in my chest is hate and sadness. And if our lives isn’t better, I’m sorry, keep going you know I’m the only one who believes in you. Please keep trying. I’m sorry I got us into this mess, I thought I was in love and could handle anything, but sometimes life can be too hard.