Time Travelled — almost 3 years

A letter from May 15th, 2020

May 15, 2020 May 15, 2023

Epilogue

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, It's been 2 months since we went into lockdown. The world outside is empty. Tumbleweeds blow through Time Square. The Sidney opera house is silent. The Mona Lisa has to make do with small snippets of attention from a passing security guard who, frankly, isn't convinced she's all that. The only places still bustling are Intensive Care Units. We still don't know when it's all going to end, and my anxiety is mounting. I'm almost paralysed by it. It's impossible to know how much of my fear is altruistic... a kind of existential pain for a world that's suffering. The truth is, I think, that most of my anxiety is shallow, selfish. I'm upset I can't hug my mum, that she's in another country and it could be months, even a year, before I get to see her again. I'm worried that I'm too stupid or lazy to complete my dissertation. My Masters degree hangs in the balance. Complexities surrounding placements and Coronavirus mean that it could be another year before I'm qualified, and this uncertainty panics me. Beneath that is a fear that I'm not sure I even want to be qualified, and that beginning a career in the health service currently feels wholly overwhelming. In a way, the millions of ill and dead and destitute and abused show the folly of my petty worries. My privilege, my luck, to be young and healthy and pursuing a post graduate degree. But the fear still remains, a panic that my body can't forget no matter what my mind tries. I try to forgive myself, because I am unwell. Mental illness is a part of my story. Fear, dread, depression. Sometimes I find myself unable to move. Sometimes it turns into pain, nausea, fever, like my mind is overflowing and poisoning my body. But I meditate, and I breath through it, and I try to live a life that makes sense, that isn't about staying safe. I'm in love too. He squeezes me tight when it all gets to much. He moors me to the surface of the earth so I don't float away. He's something physical to touch. Something beyond the anxious uncertainty of social media with its unread messages and ambiguous emojis. I'm 24 next week. There's something to that. There's something powerful about knowing that time is still passing even as we're all standing still. I enjoy my birthdays. I'll drink champagne, and eat cake. I'll open gifts. I celebrate being as loved as I am. Being young, and beautiful, and being in love with a handsome man who fully embraces even my defects. I won't ask you any questions, future me, even though I have many. I'm sure I know all that I need to. I hope that you still meditate. I hope you are still in love. I hope you are filled with gratitude when you hug your mum. I suppose I am writing to remind myself that there is a future. Now, more than ever, glib remarks about apocalypse and the inevitability of death have become commonplace. It feels as if this virus has turned us all into Nihilists. But I believe in survival, kindness, and the human spirit. And I believe in you. Best Wishes, future you. xx

Epilogue

2 days later

Dear Past Me,

Thank you for your letter. The notification flashed up while I was on a treadmill at the gym. I felt shocked for a moment. It was like...

Leeypd hodihldoc a neri,df rbemmere eoosmen vloed btu ouy ebryal grnaihe anc now fomr ocen. Uyo a ubt nerixepeces em ear hte neon elss g,hrielt but me, fwe. .
.
Odt'n nwta ogln i ot ycpseloaap raedgdg hte on hwo uyo tlel fro. Unlowtd' i if elso uyo d'twonu,l i vene tanw i bceuesa ot hpeo cd,oul. Ti rae adn ouy ouy olduw but tath v,isruevd to i you ofr wnko trbeet twna. Uyo oyu wnok aypph rea ot that atwn i dolwu. .
.
Ynol egeder ltae 6 oury yuo eswek nfeshdii. A'wsnt it eays. Iocsgenre erlett i uory in of nsgoil uryo eignnbgsni tusbel uyo the nmid. Ogt rboeef ti trbete wsroe tog it. Rof realyb a rsgedocnei lewhi, fyrlesuo oyu rmirro ni het. .
.
Nsrapet kbac ouy ouy domev when wree ot itwh eoittiadrssn be ot yrou nrgtiiw oryu dlaienr. Be troheegt mofr aayw wsa ot orf yruo to rniyobfed derhra rdha ti was t,ub a ti be ew,lhi. And ecameb hatt ew so ysad xaetiny orhdseud osthe ugrdni eomtclpely to heac uor sdnim to horet lkoonwcd leussoerv rrssetnag vhyea. .
.
Teis,m been rotuhgh we'ev roesgtrn teh ayw nofud dhra ack,b than ruo we reve. Ni 20,20 eh mebedcre dsporpoe. Uyo sa wief reya htomn netx shi are uyor noe annsryeraiv rbgtnciaele. Si garamrei. . . Lwle. . . I f,wei kown bsoplisy fo oyu i 'odnt noetf diayl coudl eht shi rdiet hghotu inebg yjo yuo veah eaingim tnikh. Tno poelep yamn enev yuo at yuro fo delrnuowf avhe eddwing mte hte so. You wyasal hohutgt eon 'tnswa who erthe, snre,po woldu be. Thur dan neve nast'w hse htat hse lymectoepl ndveiti so you nwdo uyo elt. To grtsaner you now si hse a. .
.
Retisapht, yuo an a noe auocctnpialo ogdo nad rea. Obj yuo yuor vloe. Ldolwea ahve na,d itsh ni to uyo rokw sffta eenb tpso otashpil hte niaegrw msska icshiptaycr nlaflyi ke,ew a. Hhtuog woh ti cyltxae lmnroa, be dtereunr rdlwo eht wlli rleyan revne it swa ebfore ahs to. .
.
Isth 72 keweend rae oyu. Ruyo ot bcaeeetlr ndlpoa hbandus is ot ()! aikntg oyu. Vreeehwr ikel yuo eref ear oyu to avtler. Oyru medi,etta ot het ithw kwee ouy stlil oyu a myg ccyle, rndiesf eciwt but uyo yuo c,map soal og. Ear roldw noedep neyitgherv ferfo ouy teh up ti ot agi,an ahs ot dna onep sah os. Teh a a evag ti olt to,l but aicmdnpe oot you toko. Kesma and atth ti ,ouy uyo afer royu si sdewoh is evol hts,or tehowhwrli lief eetadf yetienvrgh ctoann lfie. .
.
Fo ,ovel tols.
.
Furteu uoy,.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please


tamekagriffiths1995:

about 2 years ago

💕💕💕

cerna.bara:

about 2 years ago

I teared up reading your letter <3

It feels like a whole different life ago.

I hope you are doing amazing wherever you are - and whoever you are and is reading this.

We made it through <3

5w6h7vjtym:

about 2 years ago

This is the most emotional I’ve ever felt. You described perfectly how I was feeling when the world went silent.

mucadream:

about 2 years ago

Thank you for sharing. Thank you for updating. You’re a very good writer and I’m so happy things worked out well for you.

emarchuk477:

about 2 years ago

I have two words for this... Emotional, Inspiring.

Thank you for inspiring me.

www.namayranuba:

about 2 years ago

We did it luv! We made it! Hope you're happy. Thank you for holding on. I'm proud of you <"3

ayafk37:

about 2 years ago

I hope you graduated girl <3

biaroscoe:

about 2 years ago

loved that ✨ It translates many feelings all of us had been through

kate.johnston-zemek:

about 2 years ago

I have almost forgotten what lockdown felt like... It was so long ago!

cr106452:

about 2 years ago

thank you for sharing this, I honestly cried after reading, lock down was something that damaged us all... but we made it! we are all blessed to be alive aren't we! (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

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