Time Travelled — almost 3 years

A letter from May 15th, 2020

May 15, 2020 May 15, 2023

Epilogue

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, It's been 2 months since we went into lockdown. The world outside is empty. Tumbleweeds blow through Time Square. The Sidney opera house is silent. The Mona Lisa has to make do with small snippets of attention from a passing security guard who, frankly, isn't convinced she's all that. The only places still bustling are Intensive Care Units. We still don't know when it's all going to end, and my anxiety is mounting. I'm almost paralysed by it. It's impossible to know how much of my fear is altruistic... a kind of existential pain for a world that's suffering. The truth is, I think, that most of my anxiety is shallow, selfish. I'm upset I can't hug my mum, that she's in another country and it could be months, even a year, before I get to see her again. I'm worried that I'm too stupid or lazy to complete my dissertation. My Masters degree hangs in the balance. Complexities surrounding placements and Coronavirus mean that it could be another year before I'm qualified, and this uncertainty panics me. Beneath that is a fear that I'm not sure I even want to be qualified, and that beginning a career in the health service currently feels wholly overwhelming. In a way, the millions of ill and dead and destitute and abused show the folly of my petty worries. My privilege, my luck, to be young and healthy and pursuing a post graduate degree. But the fear still remains, a panic that my body can't forget no matter what my mind tries. I try to forgive myself, because I am unwell. Mental illness is a part of my story. Fear, dread, depression. Sometimes I find myself unable to move. Sometimes it turns into pain, nausea, fever, like my mind is overflowing and poisoning my body. But I meditate, and I breath through it, and I try to live a life that makes sense, that isn't about staying safe. I'm in love too. He squeezes me tight when it all gets to much. He moors me to the surface of the earth so I don't float away. He's something physical to touch. Something beyond the anxious uncertainty of social media with its unread messages and ambiguous emojis. I'm 24 next week. There's something to that. There's something powerful about knowing that time is still passing even as we're all standing still. I enjoy my birthdays. I'll drink champagne, and eat cake. I'll open gifts. I celebrate being as loved as I am. Being young, and beautiful, and being in love with a handsome man who fully embraces even my defects. I won't ask you any questions, future me, even though I have many. I'm sure I know all that I need to. I hope that you still meditate. I hope you are still in love. I hope you are filled with gratitude when you hug your mum. I suppose I am writing to remind myself that there is a future. Now, more than ever, glib remarks about apocalypse and the inevitability of death have become commonplace. It feels as if this virus has turned us all into Nihilists. But I believe in survival, kindness, and the human spirit. And I believe in you. Best Wishes, future you. xx

Epilogue

2 days later

Dear Past Me,

Thank you for your letter. The notification flashed up while I was on a treadmill at the gym. I felt shocked for a moment. It was like...

You own ocihdolhd ubt eocn yeeldp orfm oneosme enrahgi ealbyr vldeo a erbemmre ,edfrni nac. Oyu het sles reiglth, tub e,m fwe neon recixnepees are but me a. .
.
Olng 'otdn ot i llte for on paoyceaspl eth ouy owh awtn gdreadg. Fi dculo, w,'todunl to uaceesb yuo eevn i pheo i wtna lwtodun' elso i. Era dna but ouy hatt uyo nkow watn wloud ebtrte orf e,srvduvi i to ti uoy. Pypah oknw lwudo rae to i ahtt oyu oyu wnat. .
.
Ylon tale uryo gereed you ewkes 6 neiihdfs. Ayse ti s'natw. Lutsbe dmni in ruyo royu osglni the ouy esniinbngg ienocrseg i letrte fo. Ti gto sorew efoerb it got ttbree. Ihewl, rfo a mrorir uoy raleby lysueorf geisceonrd het in. .
.
You newh eb oyur gwrtnii rouy etnrpas rewe yuo raidlen tidisnerstoa cabk ot dvmoe ot hiwt. To tgeoehrt was ot mfor ti eb rouy saw radrhe t,bu awya eb darh ti a byinofedr fro i,lewh. Ahce ugnrid vousleers msind yinxeta uor ysad hrteo aevyh atht doehusrd kwoondcl ot os eabcem ot epeytmcoll gteasrrsn we dan oshte. .
.
'wvee rgetrnos teh we hrad erve esmt,i rou eebn htan torhhgu way ca,bk onduf. Eh ,0202 poepdosr rdcbmeee in. As aeyr aer aevisnnrrya xnet tbineleargc sih eifw mnoht rouy ouy neo. Si rriamgae. . . Ewll. . . Wkon i joy idtre you have 'tndo ihknt idyla het binge i hhugot uoy fenot cluod of ish ,iwfe egianim oyipssbl. Anym ouy oelppe yuro ehav neev hte tem idwgend of os oenrlfduw tno at. 'sawtn htouhgt oen uoy wuold be syawal te,rhe owh enosr,p. Nowd oelypctlem seh 'anstw etl vnetiid veen seh atth yuo you ruth dna so. Esh rtgreasn uoy a now si to. .
.
An hier,tsapt uoctnipacola one a nad era dgoo ouy. Job uryo veol uyo. Dan, kew,e ssmak afllniy hte ot riwegan rkow ypiricshatc iths yuo aedwoll in satff eenb post a othilpsa veha. Thhugo boefre ohw ash eyarnl orlwd it teh be uerdnert it eervn was to tlyacex llwi no,lmra. .
.
Hsti 27 oyu nwkeeed rae. Naoldp ot you hudsbna erbetcael gkanit si oyru to ()!. Eefr ot ekil vealrt rae yuo oyu eevwrhre. Stlil og aosl the a uoy cl,ecy twih uoy week tub to myg uyo ouy cpam, atitm,dee iwect oyur isrdenf. Uyo sah npoe agia,n ferfo so nad riehveytng it ot nepdeo to up era has wdorl the. Vage teh olt tbu oot acdemnpi l,to ti a tkoo a ouy. Gtyrinehve leov emsak eifl rso,th you lfei trholwehwi it ,ouy etedaf odehsw ttah yuro rfea is si tnocna nda. .
.
Lsto fo loe,v.
.
Urfteu you,.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please


tamekagriffiths1995:

almost 2 years ago

💕💕💕

cerna.bara:

almost 2 years ago

I teared up reading your letter <3

It feels like a whole different life ago.

I hope you are doing amazing wherever you are - and whoever you are and is reading this.

We made it through <3

5w6h7vjtym:

almost 2 years ago

This is the most emotional I’ve ever felt. You described perfectly how I was feeling when the world went silent.

mucadream:

almost 2 years ago

Thank you for sharing. Thank you for updating. You’re a very good writer and I’m so happy things worked out well for you.

emarchuk477:

almost 2 years ago

I have two words for this... Emotional, Inspiring.

Thank you for inspiring me.

www.namayranuba:

almost 2 years ago

We did it luv! We made it! Hope you're happy. Thank you for holding on. I'm proud of you <"3

ayafk37:

almost 2 years ago

I hope you graduated girl <3

biaroscoe:

almost 2 years ago

loved that ✨ It translates many feelings all of us had been through

kate.johnston-zemek:

almost 2 years ago

I have almost forgotten what lockdown felt like... It was so long ago!

cr106452:

almost 2 years ago

thank you for sharing this, I honestly cried after reading, lock down was something that damaged us all... but we made it! we are all blessed to be alive aren't we! (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

Load more comments

Sign in to FutureMe

or use your email address

Don't know your password? Sign in with an email link instead.

By signing in to FutureMe you agree to the Terms of use.

Create an account

or use your email address

You will receive a confirmation email

By signing in to FutureMe you agree to the Terms of use.

Share this FutureMe letter

Copy the link to your clipboard:

Or share directly via social media:

Why is this inappropriate?