A letter from May 14th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, 5 years seems like a really long time when you are struggling to just get through a day. I hope you aren't struggling anymore. I hope you are happy, loving life and loving yourself. Maybe by this point you finally figured out how to deal with your emotions and communicate how you are feeling to others. When you act fine and happy to everyone, they will think you are fine and happy. No one knows how much you are actually struggling unless you tell them. I really hope at this point of your life you are happy, and that you've found love. I know that right now, all I want in life is for someone to love me, want me, and to be someone's first choice I hope you found that person. Maybe its that guy, you know the one you think about every night and have a picture of you two when you guys were like 8. Maybe not and it's someone who I haven't even met yet. But who ever he is (if there even is a guy) I hope he loves you and treats you how you deserved to be treated. I really hope by this point of your life you have forgiven your dad by now. It will have been about 10 years since the whole not wanting you thing happen. It's not good to be holding on to anger that long, it affects your mental well being a lot. So, when you are reading this you will be 26, **** that's old but hey that's your golden year so you better be thriving. You also better have figured your life out by now. Maybe you're a special ed teacher like I am trying to get a degree in now. Maybe you're on a completely different life path, which is fine. Doesn't matter what it is, as long you have something and are doing something with your life. You also better have moved off of the farm by now. I know it feels safe and the unknown is scary but you can't live with your parents forever. Maybe by now you have moved to Seattle or Willimington like you dreamed about. That would be pretty cool. I just really hope by this point in your life you are happy, because not being happy sucks. I don't even remember what happy feels like anymore so I hope you do. I hope everything that I went through, every choice that I made was worth it.