A letter from May 14th, 2020

Dear future me.. right now your 20, about to be 22, your son is 1 almost 2 & you’ve been in an amazing relationship for 6 years now. I hope your son is still sitting in your lap and hugs you. right now he stares up into my eyes and gently rubs my cheeks and gives me sweet smiles.. he’s genuinely the sweetest boy please don’t let anyone ruin that. if he isn’t and he’s busy being a big boy doing his own things, I hope you give him all the space he needs to grow, I know how you like to be in everyone’s business & are over protective .. let him live don’t worry so much. I hope your had at-least one more child since then, boy or girl I don’t care, just a sibling for him to love on.. he would love having a baby around.. I hope the love of your life is still him.. your middle school sweet heart.. he is amazing, he is so careless and completely in love w you even though you don’t feel worthy of such an amazing powerful love.. as your reading this tell him your love and appreciate you, no matter where you are in life, separated or together.. he deserves all the appreciation he can get, he works so hard. Your family likes to make everything hard on themselves when it doesn’t have to be that way, I know it’s hard to have relationships with them because of this, i hope you’ve learned instead of judging them you should keep your mouth shut and support the good things they do, instead of always reminding them of the bad.. I know your childhood hurt, and they didn’t help you, but it isn’t their fault life isn’t forgiving, you don’t have to make it worse by taking it out on everyone.. I hope your chest stops feeling heavy when you think about your past, I hope it doesn’t hurt anymore.. I hope she leaves you alone, I hope she heals but never comes near you again, especially around your son.. I hope you find a way to forgive, this is important because I’m not sure I can heal any other way.. Learn to love yourself please, I don’t want our son and future children seeing their own mother hate herself.. do it for them