A letter from May 14th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I hope you learn to love yourself, smile more, and don’t be so shy when you meet me and I really hope you make lots of friends and a good job. But I want you to know this is you 13 turning 14 old self talking to you and right now you never liked your self and you wanted to die and you said you was going to **** yourself when you was older and I really hope you reading this cause this what I’m really feeling and I was the happy one in my family, friend group too, but really I’m not happy as I always seemed cause I just wanted to die, cry myself (as I did at night and When I’m alone, and In my bathroom when nobody was around) and one time momma found my depressed notes I used to write and she was in shock but it’s was fine cause it was true but you just said “it’s nothing I just wrote them, cause I’m bored” and I made her believe it cause I don’t want her to worry about us and she believed it and I was happy she did. Cause she has 3 kids not 1 or 2 so I made it seem like I’m always okay and nobody is always okay but I made it seem like it, and I really hope you learn to love your body and if you really see this in 5 years and I want to say right now me as your 14 year old self doesn’t like yourself right now or like your body, anything of your self and I want to say “I’m not prefect and right now I don’t think I’m pretty or good and I’m really said but when I’m older I want to say “I am pretty and I am myself and I can’t change nothing and I need to stop comparing myself to other people on Instagram or to my friends too. Cause I used to do that everyday when I was little and I need to stop I am myself and I don’t need surgery, or fake ***** and etc cause i am myself and I want to be natural beautiful before I go change myself but I know it’s not bad to add stuff to your body cause it’s YOUR body not there but I just to love my natural self and cause i think right now my 14 old self think I need makeup and I need to wear what 2020 society wants me to wear and it’s not bad to wear makeup either. But I just want to really love me, but I just can’t but one day I will hopeful” And I really hope you didn’t **** yourself like I said I was going to do when I’m 16, 17 or 18 cause I just don’t like me but I hope I can learn and grow as an better person and love yourself and don’t let yourself get sad that you want to **** yourself cause it’s going have hard days but I don’t want to relive them from my past and that will hurt me and I want to smile more and just be happy with my boyfriend/girlfriend i don’t know what I am going to do in life but I hope it will be great and stay health and get that booty girl🥰🥺 bye future self this is from you past little 14 old self and I just wanna say peace out and love you✌🏽💜✨