A letter from May 13th, 2020

dear lauren, by this point, you will most likely be finished with your undergraduate degree. and if not, that's cool too! who knows where life will lead. currently, you are a junior in high school. coronavirus is in full swing, although slowly but surely it seems like things are opening up again. i can't believe i'm going to be a senior next year! there's so much to worry about - senior project, senior recital, college, just having a good end to high school. do you look back at me and cringe? maybe you've gotten past that. it's been a few years. 5 years ago i was in 6th grade... i don't cringe at me then anymore. how much have you changed? is your fashion sense different? did you ever cut your hair short or dye it? how much do you visit virginia beach now? oh my god. where are you living? in a big city?? tell me all about college. meet any cute girls? date anyone? did you come out to our extended family? earlier this year you came out to mostly everyone (at the same time as getting your braces off - remember that?). i hope you've made a ton of amazing new friends. i hope you have people to turn to and laugh and cry with. do you keep in touch with any of your high school friends? jeannie and dylan and charlotte and kat and hanna? anastasia and blake and grayson and pat and kohl and emma and maegan? what are they all doing now? please go back and at least visit gsa. and ms. jo. what are your plans for the future? right now you're very confused. i know viola will always be a part of my life, but what about songwriting? and musicals? i know whatever ends up happening will be an adventure. a great adventure. oh my god. by this point you'll be 21 and definitely had alcohol. insane. how was it? ever try any drugs? how did that go? anyway. right now you're growing and learning so much. you are trying desperately to love yourself and not quite succeeding, but it's certainly better than it was before. i hope you love yourself fully now. you deserve it. and you deserve people around you who also love you fully. i will be eagerly waiting to hear back from you. i hope it's a good 5 years.