A letter from May 13th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Hopefully now you'll be graduated out of college and doing the great things that I've always wanted you to do. I hope you're succeeding and living your best life, no matter what struggle. I've always felt that a future struggle of mine would be financing. I guess I'll have to wait to prove that true. I hope that you got out of town, moved away, and onto better things. I hope that you're not sad anymore. I really hope that you've gained the confidence to be around other people, start conversations, and get out of that shell that you've always been in. I pray for your healthiness and happiness constantly. I dream that you'll succeed and be happy for once. With no negativity in your life other than normal life struggles. I pray that you're not heartbroken anymore, that you haven't fell back into the rut of struggle like 17 year old I am in now. I hope you're working to live that dream life. But could it be the same as I wanted it now? Or is it completely different and found something else? Currently it's 1:44 a.m. on an early Wednesday morning, listening to "Roslyn" by Bon Iver because I'm in a sad mood. I saw this on tiktok and I thought to myself, "maybe this could help me. Maybe this could be a starting point to improve my life and my mental health." These past few months have been extremely difficult, and while quarantine's happening, it has significantly improved my mood and self-esteem but i'm at a crossroads where I should take more time to enjoy myself or should progress with my studies and everything, trying to get that job, get those scores, get into that college that you'll (hopefully) be in. Hopefully your outlook on life will be much better than it is now, as the future seems really hazy for me. I don't know what to do with my life, I don't know where to go nor don't know where to turn to. But all I want now is freedom, happiness, and good health. I don't know if that should entail deleting social media and falling off the face of the earth for the sake of mental stability; it's so appealing but it may not happen the way I want it since earth thrives off technology. I'm expecting you have traveled so much and worked hard for that body you've always wanted. Is it worth it? I need your advice, I need you to come and help me out and tell me what to do because that's all I want. God put this in alignment with me in hopes of helping me from what I believe, and communicating with myself 5 years later will help me realize how far I've come, and how I have not. I don't want to end up like some of my friends, family, exes, acquaintances. So. As I start to get weary and tired from typing, I hope the best and I look forward to see you. But likewise, the future is hazy and I'm struggling to see one. But I'm holding on and not giving hope. See you later, - R