A letter from May 11th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I am writing to you in the midst of the COVID-19, you remember that? Right now, it is relatively nice to be locked in all day, I don't really have many places to be anyway. I don't know if you remember, but I think the whole COVID situation was a blessing to me during my second semester of my freshman year of college. I was really struggling especially after winter break and then spring break. My mental health was dwindling, but then I got to go home and finish the year online. I like being home, for the most part. I don't like my friends all that much. You know, the one with a bunch of cats who always thinks I'm being mean (Bree), the weird one who you would be mortified to bring around others but she can be nice and normal sometimes (Kalandis), and the big ***** who seriously have mental issues (not mean, she actually does, Alexus) you remember... Gillian and Tayte are okay, but more so because they remind me of my friends back home... Paige and Rachel. Who are you still friends with? Are you friends with any of them? Truly I don't think any of them know me on a deeper level. They are good for laughs and such, but I just feel a sense of ingenuity when I'm with most of them. Hopefully you've made friends that you truly feel happy with, but I know that I'm not that great at making friends anyway. I don't know. Are you a nurse? You should be, I think I'm a shoo-in for nursing school. Hopefully I'm not getting too cocky, though. If you're not a nurse right now, I'm interested in seeing what I ended up being. If it's not any of the following, what the hell are you doing?? Are you in forensics? Law? A real estate agent (thanks HGTV)? Or maybe you settled as an athletic trainer... just please tell me you at least made it to a job at the college level!! Did you move, or have you decided to stay in boring North Carolina? I hope not. I know for a fact that there's no way I'm going to stay in Greensboro. Not going to lie, I really hate it there. It just feels so dangerous and I don't like the campus as much as I thought I did. You know this, though. I hope you finished your degree there anyway, you know I wanted to finish what I started. I know that I've considered coming home for community college or transferring to Charlotte, but none of those options would've kept me on the same track time-wise. How are Jonathan and Rhema? How often do you see them? I don't see them very much now, which is one of the reasons I considered transferring. I feel a big disconnect from them, and I didn't even realize until after I started college. They're super old now, but so are you (23!!! OMG!)! I hope that you still talk to them, and are able to see them, wherever you are. How's Mommy? Daddy? Do you still call them that today? (I'm sure you do.) I hope they're alive and well, as they should be. Have your feelings changed about Anthony? I doubt it. The other day, Mother's Day, I overheard that he said I was making things about myself because I didn't want Carraba's for dinner? I had thought all week that we were going to get Chili's or something like that. Then the decision changes and no one was even going to tell me about it. Oh well. You probably think that this is so trivial now, even I do. It just upset me. I hope everyone's okay. Do you miss Emily? I know she's long gone by now, so I'm hoping that you've forgotten or gotten over her. Sorry for bringing her up, if you did. The connection we had was just so real. I just hope that I can find something like that again. I love her company so much. That's why I really wish that I could be the person that she wants me to be. I want that so much, but I can't. I will miss her so much when she leaves me. She's the best person that I've ever known in my life. It makes me so sad that one day she will no longer be in my life, and this will probably be very soon. With that being said, are you still single? God, I hope not. If not, I hope you're getting much attention and affection like you deserve after all this time. If so, well, I hope you're having ***, at least. I don't really want a boyfriend right now, because the thought of it kind of grosses me out, but I would like a guy friend. I don't really have those, so it'd be nice to have one. You remember Dee? That was the closest I've gotten in a long time. By the way, are you an alcoholic? Must be nice to be able to buy alcohol whenever you want. I'm in quarantine and it is boring in the sense that I can't really have *** and I don't have access to any mind-altering substance. I don't know if you remember, but I did end up buying a dab pen from Paige's boyfriend. The carts low, I don't know if I want to buy another one because one it's expensive and it's from the black market so it could very much well **** me. We'll see what I decide. I think I've touched on most things that are important that I'd like to know for the future. I hope you lost all the weight you wanted and kept it off (please, please, please be a bad *****!!!!) I hope your mental health is good and I hope you at least kind of like your job? Always remember that I love you and that sometimes you are way too hard on yourself. See you in 5 years!! :)