A letter from May 11th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Listen to ( ex ***** by xxxtentacion, **** the world by Brent faiyaz, while reading plis) First off how are you? Good, bad, horrible or amazing. It’s currently May 11, 2020. Exactly 11 days before Youre 17. What a difference from 23 I bet. This moment in my life I’m trying to get over heartbreak. My first love. I know by this time I’d have to experience another love or at least something close. I couldn’t even image who the next person would be. Are they funny? Do they love you back? Do they have curly hair? I feel like they might. Anyways happy birthday. I know we’ll always love ourselves. But I want to say I love you. I know you’ve learned a lot from the past couple years. I’m assuming whatever you choose with your life is what makes you happy. And if it doesn’t I know we’ll make it make us happy and enjoy it the best we can. I wonder what college I choose and why. I’m stuck on what to do right now. Anyways happy birthday. I hope you lived the past 5 years with no regrets and made it the best. Is Alyssa and Halie still around? Even javin? Is they’re new friends? I know, so many questions but that’s what I wonder about right now. I don’t know what to image in 5 years. How I’ll look or where I’ll be. What I hope is I look good and I’m confident in myself living in my own space and going to school. But I’m going on to 17. It feels different. I know it isn’t some switch but I don’t know it’s like a number means so much more. Saying your 17 seems farther away from being a kid. More towards being an adult with more responsibilities. The only thing that I’m looking forward to is my future right now. Which isn’t good because I know I should live in the present because I’m never going to be where I am now. I’ll never be 16 again. I forget sometimes to enjoy what I have and not focus on what I don’t. I wonder how Jariens doing. How did things finally end? When did they end?. I know you’ll be happier. Better life then what I am living right now. Do everything to make your life the best one you can have. It’ll be the only one you’ll ever get. Remember to not care about what other people think. They’ll never be you and their opinions don’t matter. Your life is what you make it. Make it great. I feel as if I have so many things to tell my older self but I don’t know what. I want you to text Alyssa tho. Alyssa reddish. I don’t know how long it’s been since we last talked but I just want you to message her maybe to reminisce old times and just to connect with her because that’s someone you grew up and changed with. Tell her you love her and thank her for the memories. What’re you doing today? Go out. Go to a nightclub or something fun. This is your only 23rd birthday. Please enjoy it for your 16 yr old self. I can feel the happiness I image reading this in 5 years. Smiling at the screen. I also want you to lay down and think about everything that’s happened in the past 5 years. From May 11,2020 to May 22, 2025. Then go on later to write yourself another letter. For another 5 years and tell how you’re doing right now and what you wish. But how I’m doing is pretty poor. It’s my teenage years I mean what do I expect. All the struggles of finding yourself and being exposed to things you’re once innocent mind never thought abt. As I’ve said I’m heartbroken, well getting over someone which I think I’m doing pretty good. I know a day will come soon where he doesn’t affect me anymore. And I’ll love another person. But I just don’t feel that happiness. I’m more content then I was a couple months ago but still not fully there. I’m just trying to find myself. Trying to enjoy life. It’s currently quarantine right now so it’s mainly just staying in the house but it isn’t too bad. Just getting high here and there and hanging out with either Halie or Alyssa. No love interest nothing new. Just same old. I need new. I feel like New is the only thing that’ll make me happy. Anything new, new person, new room, new clothes. But I know I’m going to get better and be better. I just wish for the best for me. I wonder what music you’re into. Current favorites are juice wrld and trippie red, Brent faiyaz also Daniel Caesar . But I’m sure it’ll change and be someone new. How does your hair look? It’s currently very shirt and blonde highlight. I would image black and long. I don’t why when I image talking to you it’s like you’re a different person and not me. Maybe that means I’ll be completely different from what I am know and I just know I am. I hope you are. I hope you’re better. Until then future self. 5 years feels like forever away and I know till come before I know it. Now I just wait, Love you