A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

So i fseridn my ym tiellt rmpo wrae won tog iwht drses to stlli. Adn aektn ynretgvhie rtpicsue tog. Gdnaoutrai ot we enwert’ ot prisuetc tog eankt nda og acsp ruo riteeh also grad sfdnier ym sgnow i in dna able ecnsi. Enslig a i yrea ruciiodsul hhwci ahd eno vosreepel reov nikad hvae is in. Evah dfuon i dan a lla ot i hteptrsia ktla hwo ot das my lbmeoprs am ouabt. Gihnpo genib emlsyf rnigb kabc nca mi’ to me seh. Eiqtu grtih ryacs wno is odrwl teh. Sttra akset aosmtl fo hotse keli teh and ppeoel a vero eoelbrlin the tnemrgonev eehwr ingyvteerh one vseoim tis’. I htta lal nwko ojni ahtt fieneiltdy i is ilrnlbeeo iwll. At idal wno ’mi agele liormyartep hdtri coowdknl a acmiarne ncreulryt ecuabse but of rwko off i. In lclegeo to ersebmpet m’i nggio. Tnah yfrntlaunutoe ngaia liwl be remo eliylk enolni. Laeb atht im’ eb mermus seucbea em thne baoylbpr neno)li evom ot was nrdsefi and lakt yteh( dgoo iths uclaatly eboref arneyom ym lrraey sritf yrae wlil yaaw ti ot iapygnr etnrew’. Sdniecere enw ot tdixece ocsohl ta am tnio fi mveo emka i gout,hh ’mi ttah abel ot si eifndrs. .
Strfi my 19 i oll utb have i ideedn isks am ahd tno aenm and. . . . Lftua ’tis so’icdv. Godo eifl to btu ddi indak dgoo his gto ma he i oodg gte ,ugsy he snightgo gyu dotppes becesua emor tankgil i eh sujt to oerm atignlk ipoazleog ni rtdeast ts’hta pu boy dan was bauto a he etusp ndaki revne me, em and so it, chihw soylwl a sttdierene itnhk i eht i i ubsy nedde yutcllaa but orf ssgue eth hwcih. .
Of i fo cetrlnye a nasores my stom fro siefndr ewf eht tspudi stol. I udlat btoua utb i dna i saw bouat thta htme etyh luatd tye cfrnnodoet ewer ot not oadllwe ewer ongwr 18 ylon ngrow eht so ti ta het wlieh na dan iedddec thye n’trewe i em acr orf was hrtsoe tiilpyoacchr nad ehyt eesbuac teyh ttha lcspea i ym dna evsemetlsh ninogtfncro rbgin orpug was aws eirht tmueeadngjl and tmeh m’i snatrpe nda kgtlani ot ethm na how yrve ringgnoi idsa saw dna eacbseu in it athc time eetvwahr in. Cesrw mthe. ’eyhetr txioc ynyawa. Nnhyaitg hmte eorm say dolcu ont od nda oshdul a ubt viicl olt i i aoubt eb. Dna em hat)t uiermtma eldockb rwee loev (thye so gtuhoh i.
Os uskcs lrylea si ielf uncanietr lltsi ti dan. Ihnytnga ’tcna do we. Iptr si tilsl ym rdag decclelna. Ym eevn a w’ont ’tacn ot su dfnure het ievg yeth ppeosndot rorbde dan uogthh tge asw caslylyhip istfr erve ew cctreno srcso ti to. .
Ti eugss i ’ttash yaaynw,. .
.
Mfesyl e,lov.