A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

I sedrifn tslil with otg aewr mpor ssedr so to my tiltel won my. Adn vyeehitgrn iupersct gto katne. Ot ot tuicesrp ni aleb akent rhiete soal nad naatrodgui rte’ewn dna we pcas agrd my nsierfd ruo i gnwos og cnsei ogt. Srduloiicu i ni si eon haev evro ahd hwihc kadni eselpevro inlsge a arey. Orlbsmep sad talk eparsthit i lla ndufo a am to ym ot and veah ohw botau i. Seh ihpgno ’im rnbgi nibeg eflysm ot nca abkc me. Is ithgr now syrca qiuet hte wlrdo. Isomev tsrat eht a noe i’ts ehots olmsta mnnrvetoeg opeelp rwehe ilek rove dan vyitneergh fo teh lnroieleb esatk. Atht lliw hatt niyedlifte i lal onwk i ojni rnelboeil si. Geeal off tbu a wkloondc now alid yuecltrnr i iamanrce ritdh rwko leprryoimta at bceaesu of ’im. To ni im’ goign pbmeeestr eolcleg. Ntah igaan oerm onilne uttluynfoanre be leikly wlli. Ot eb (ehyt ’wentre ubeecas aws idfrsne erfboe ihts oodg memusr abel eray taalcyul yawa ym lrayre me m’i paigynr ot prbabyol inn)leo tenh rnymaoe aklt nda ti illw vmoe hatt tfirs. Si xditeec ’im emov new eieecsndr ttah ohcslo aebl ma ta isednrf fi nito i to ekam ot uh,otgh. .
Ma i not isks utb ritsf my oll nddiee naem avhe and i dah 19. . . . Its’ cvo’ids tluaf. ,em to ogt to i hiwhc ujst luatlcya gyu tsth’a i ygus, eilf emor ma nda tsdepop boy a tusep dan ddi a rtedsta saw he ltikagn ni oodg rof dnika aeebusc usby tub i oapzolieg os ihchw eh dgoo he deedn get igotghsn t,i rneev suegs antgkil but tertdnsiee ikadn abtou i his the i eh pu eht lyowls ogdo me rmeo hknit. .
I sotm fo teh orf lcetyner my senfdri slot a fo ssnoear dsupit wfe. Lsmsveheet saw in teh at tey aubto meht inbrg utdla gwonr and na tabuo i nto isad was 18 ecbuesa arc senratp ofcntnedor rof ti dedcdei tldua ’ewtnre ocgtnnofrni meit na yteh eslcpa adn atth nad yhte tmugdlaneej irthe dna it and bcsaeue i wgrno eewthavr rugop liweh ym hetm yvre ahct yilcaptcirho trsheo so dna ohw yteh eht i’m in to ot i reew eewr em swa i wsa olleadw i nda oinngrgi lnyo yhet atth igktlan hmte tub was. Wcsre mhte. ’yeethr wynaay cxtio. Ucdol do i sya utb them antngiyh dna ton i ousdlh reom a ciivl be autob olt. Eovl te(hy ht)at i dan ecdolkb os uimtaerm em reew guhtho.
Kucss os urncineta is alyrel efil tilsl ti dna. Od ew nnaiytgh a’ntc. Itlls pitr my is rdga lldncecae. To ever etg give ehyt to het ew ym tfsir drobre it socsr yaisyclphl nrcceto wt’no asw eenv rdfnue thgohu nda us ’acnt ntpsdopoe a. .
I it ya,ywna usesg ht’ats. .
.
Ove,l lemysf.