A letter from May 8th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Hi, it's been a while. As i write this, i am only 17 verging on 18 and the years of adulthood to come. I'm lying in my bedroom in this house in this town that i hate. I'm already crying thinking of my future, and how happy i hope to be, and the strong woman i hope you are. I hope you have found happiness, so much happiness that you drown in it. i hope you can look out into the world and all you've accomplished and can say you are glad you stayed alive, that it was all worth it. You are such a strong person, every piece of darkness you came from and fought, lead you to the life full of light you live in now. Look at you. You've proved them wrong. You've grown so much, and even still, you are growing. Right now, i am scared of what my future holds, but also so, so excited. The dark part of me says that i will fail, that i won't accomplish my aspirations. That i won't get my poems published, that i won't succeed in fashion design or get into college. But the light within me knows that I can, and will accomplish all of it. I hope you are on the path to accomplishing it all. As you are reading this, you're probably going to graduate college soon. Probably FIT with your major in fashion design. The day of walking across that stage, and receiving your degree that you've worked so hard for, is coming soon. The day you've dreamed of. When you hear your name called as you walk across that stage, and you look out to your mom in the crowd and you see how proud she is, you will be filled with the most happiness and warmth you have ever felt knowing that despite where you came from, you still did it. No matter what people said to you, you overcame and you did it. Dad and anthony will be right by your side as it happens, too. Mom will be proud. she will be so proud and after you graduate you will continue to make her so proud with all that you accomplish. There will be times where you feel like giving up, like you should have never had such big dreams in the first place, but I am telling you to keep going. Remember why you started. You owe this to the broken, insecure girl within you. She deserves this. She deserves to fight and to know how worthy she is and how deserving she is of these achievements. She has been kept quiet and small for so long, her voice deserves to be heard. Her name deserves to be known, and known you will make it. You will be the person in your family to make everything right. The person to succeed and be living proof that where you come from doesn't have to determine where you're going. I really hope that by the time you're reading this, you have learned to love yourself. That you no longer look in the mirror and pick yourself apart and hate what you see. I hope you are kind to yourself. Right now, I am filled with so much hatred for myself, i hate the way i look and my voice and my body and who i am. I hope you don't feel the way i do now. I hope you look at yourself with love in your eyes. I wonder if you've fallen in love by now. Are you in a serious relationship? If so, i hope the person you are with is a wonderful one. Someone who lights you up and feels like home. You deserve nothing less than that. I hope they give you the world. You deserve it all. I hope by now you are living in new york city, with friends by your side whom you love and adore and treat you with kindness. Have you been to japan yet? Did you ever get to achieve your dream of studying abroad in tokyo yet? I bet you have. :) I bet you're achieving your dreams and on the path to being successful, i already know you are, actually. Because you're a strong girl, and strong girls don't quit. Above all, always remember, there will be bad days, but they do not define you or where you are going. No matter what you may feel, know that you are worthy, you are loved, and I am so, so proud of you for making it this far. Cheers to the years of growth, love, and success ahead of you, beautiful girl. I'm so proud of you.