A letter from May 6th, 2020

Dear Future Me. The truth regarding this letter is that there will never be enough words spoken to myself that will make a change in my life. This i know to be true, as well as motivational speeches being like a drug or an addiction in my life. Just a quick high, only to result in another low. It would be a waste of time for me to spend hours on this letter rewriting words of advice that I've written many times before, in numerous journals filled with letters to myself that i have either kept or thrown away. In regards to what has been said above, i'm going to proceed to keep the following brief and relatable with a quotes that i think will say enough/ be motivational enough and some following words As for the quote, it's a quote i sort of made up but wouldn't be surprised if someone famous beat me to it and publicized it. The quote is "In my opinion the only way to truly be happy is to look your demons in the eyes and be willing to be uncomfortable and deal with those demons" As for the following words, they are written below: Currently as of 05/06/2020, my future is unclear and worry-some and this is no ones fault except for mine. The only choices i can make have become clear and they have dwindled down in numbers to settle at the total of 2. My first option is that i can give up in life and continue as i have, leading up to this very moment where i have hit Rock bottom. I can continue to take part in my addictions which include Pornography, Masturbation Netflix, YouTube, movies, video games, all of my addictions being short lived happinesses that give me a quick boost and leave me lost, with no direction in life and unsatisfied as far as my content and happiness go. These addictions along with many other vices either in my life or with the potential to be, they don't truly make me happy, they are simple solutions to complex problems and a temporary resolve for the wounds i've received through failure, heartbreak, and the struggles I've had to face up until this point. The truth is deep down i know that my addictions and vices won't make the past disappear or give me a second chance to relive the past. A funny quote i used to associated myself with while conversing with people i knew was "Nostalgia is my hamertia" and it is. I miss the past, and easier, simpler times, i try to relive them constantly with my words, my thoughts, and especially my addictions. the truth is everything i utilize to relive the past won't bring back the past. They won't bring back the people I've failed, especially the girl i loved, lost and failed because i just didn't work hard enough or make the right choices.I chose to be lazy rather than work hard for her, i chose to hide, lie, and not work hard for her instead of doing whats right and being a man. I was selfish not only in regards to her but towards others, especially my family and friends, and i wasn't even being selfish because everything i did wasn't good for me, in was destroying myself, so i didn't care about myself, yet i had dreams and a desire to be happy. Deep down i know that i truly want to be happy, and the previous leads to option number 2. For my second option, i could choose not to stay broken. I could choose to look around and to soak it in, to fully observe my rock bottom, and continue to pick up the broken pieces and for once after a long while, do the right thing, and not the easy thing. I can let go of the past and decide to put my mistakes away,i can decide to be a better man. Today i can choose to show compassion towards others and understand their struggle, and maybe one day if i am to teach people or help others, help others with that understanding strongly in mind. I can choose to pave a better story than what has been written in my previous chapters. Metaphorically, because i don't drink, i can choose to put down the bottle, to face the truth, to be open minded, and to finally realize that the only way to truly be happy is to face hard work and challenges and conquer them.I can either go up or deeper downward from here and it's my choice. This is the message i have for myself, and i hope this message can be a beacon of motivation if i ever hit rock bottom again, but i also hope that the next time i read this, which will probably be in 5 years from now, hopefully i'll be in another place. To close off this message i want to end it with my quote "In my opinion the only way to truly be happy is to look your demons in the eyes and be willing to be uncomfortable and deal with those demons" and as weird as it may be, a quote from Selena Gomez, the singer being: "If you are broken, you do not have to stay broken." Future Self, i hope you didn't stay broken, and i hope when you read this, if you are broken, you don't stay broken. Use the God given strength you know you have and pursue the truth to you existence, be the best you can be, stay open minded, never stop learning, teach with compassion, love, understanding, mercy, and no anger, and last of all but most importantly, Find true worth it long lasting happiness and peace, hidden on the opposite side of the barriers of fear, handwork, strife, and struggles. Never stop fighting and striving to learn and do whats right while making mistakes. Future Me, Find your peace, and please read this in 5 years time. 05/06/2020 4:40 pm My Time 4:30 pm Real Time