A letter from May 5th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, So, here we are, this is just going to be a massive essay of me rambling on, brace yourself. Just a little snippet of what's going on in every day life. The country, and pretty much the world is/was in lockdown. There's that Coronavirus going around, 100's of thousands have been struck down with it, man thousands have died from it sadly. It sounds like something from a horror film. Nobody is allowed outside unless it's essential, queuing outside supermarkets to try and get in, toilet roll became non existent almost, everyone has had to wear masks and gloves and to stay 2m apart. Only essential workers are to go out to work, almost all shops are closed other than supermarkets/food shops. Family members are not even allowed to meet up. We are coming up to our 6th week of this lockdown, it seems quite surreal. I don't know why i'm writing this, i don't think anyone of this generation will remember how **** the first 4 months of 2020 have been. I am currently sat in my room, it's 14:24 on Tuesday May 5th. I'm not working today, i am considered a key worker, also been promoted! Are you still living in your little flat with Huckleberry? You'd have been there 2.5 years now! Lately you had been suffering terrible with your mental health. I hope you are doing better these days? Remember that time back in March 2020 you took that overdose? That was the third time you did that and still came through it. There is a reason why you pulled through, right now i don't know why that is, i hope you figured it all out. How are you holding up with everything? You have been down, grieving over mammy's ***** - Sunday May 10th 2015. Pass by a few years, daddy was diagnosed with cancer of the lungs which had spread through his body, a week before xmas 2018. He suffered awful, but passed away Tuesday 30th July 2019. Fast forward to his funeral which was a Monday. By the Friday Ruby was diagnose with Leukemia, she was just 9 years old. She has been having intense chemotherapy, lost all her hair and still no closer to recovery. She is a fighter and still going strong. After all this, you met a guy. His name is Aled. Became good friends. We bonded over the fact he has cancer too, stage 4 sadly. He is going through chemo. You'd meet up a couple of times a week, started to feel really close to him. Then this lockdown happened and you've not seen him for 4 weeks. You have been suffering mentally over this. You have fallen for him, to the point where you could easily slip out the 'L' word to him. However, he does not want a relationship. He was so nice, so sweet, so loving towards you. Called you beautiful almost every day. Every day you spoke, called, facetimed etc. How did that turn out? I hope you managed to either be happy with him, or found someone new that does want a relationship, that does want you. Back to the mental health issue. PLEASE say you have stopped self harming! You're a grown assed woman, not a child seeking attention. I hope you managed to get to the doctors to get the help you need, and most of all, i really hope you stayed strong enough to make it through the 5 years that have passed since i sent this. Stay strong, be happy and try to believe that people love you. You are worth more than you believe you are. Learn to love yourself, love life. Maybe by the time you read this, you will have something happy and positive to write about the next 5 years after this. xoxo