A letter from May 3rd, 2020

Dear FutureMe, there is so much beauty in the world. so many beautiful things to see. beautiful people to look at. beautiful people to meet. the people that are genuinely good, that are rare in life. the people that truly deserve to be happy in their lives. beautiful places to visit, beautiful cultures to experience. the world has so many great things but I do not deserve to to see, enjoy, experience, imagine any of those things. i am simply ****, that I have to keep myself away in order to not destroy those things that I see as beautiful. I have to keep my distance to protect them from myself. those truly great people that I would love to live life with them, I can't allow myself to ruin the great life that they deserve. those beautiful things that you can look at, I can't let myself be part of what causes its existence to vanish. its hilarious how much I can lie to myself, to others, how I can trick myself into thinking I'm okay, it will get better. how I can believe that I don't think I am better than others when that is exactly what I believe. when I think that I know so much while others don't. while I think that humans are trash and ignore the crime, injustices, and immoral acts that happen in the world in order to feel comfortable and pretend like they have nothing to do with it. i still think that I cant possibly be happy and enjoy life knowing that their are people dieing daily by people that control ridiculous things. like the government ******* and losing 1500 kids that they took from their parents and they say its just something that happens like nothing. how no one talks about the people that are dieing from a war caused by people that are making money off of them ******* each other. that people think that the government actually helps, and that they are good people. money is the think that controls people. its what causes all of this from those bad people. they get money, they want more, and when they have more , they only want more. how can I live in a world knowing all of this is happening and people are okay with it because its not affecting their individual life that they are not happy with but that is enough??? i cant life like this because it goes against what life is. humans are the worst organism to have ever existed, because they are willing to **** each other for the smallest things, and they can **** millions of themselves and pretend it is good and okay.