A letter from April 30th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, This is 30 year old you writing you a message from the 2020 quarantine.

Right now, I’m really enjoying quarantine. I’m very sorry for those who have suffered and fallen victim to the virus indeed. But on a personal level I have truly mellowed out in these moments for being able to stay alone without being judged. I feel very fortunate that I have a secure job, even I my heart screams music, this has truly been a time where the job saved my life. 
I haven’t really composed anything. I haven’t written anything of substance or finished reading a long list of books. But I have been creating a jungle on the roof. Eating real meals. Sleeping in line with my actual natural pattern. Baking bread. Cocooning. I’ve drawn for fun. 
 I’ve judged myself for being aimless, as I contemplate the Masters I want to take, then chicken out because it is too expensive and too scary to imagine doing with a fully time job and alongside musical dreams.. 
 I hope that after confinement the world starts to improve. Humanity starts to improve. You’ll tell me what happened… What sort of leaders we now have around the world. How the air smells. How happy the wildlife is. 
I have a lot of questions for you! Are you still living in the charming studio, did the roof garden hold up? I hope so. Hoping that it did not fall down onto the karate centre below…. And that many vegetables grew.
 Are you still with him? What is it like between you now? What have you lived together these years? Did you do some music together? Travels? Still want to live apart?

 Did you finish recording the album you were working on, or did you abandon it? 
How are the instruments? I hope you practiced well and daily so you are not able to compose your own stuff. 
How is your singing? Do you still draw? 
Did you escape from the office yet or are you still there? Otherwise, how do you keep yourself alive nowadays?
 How are your wrinkles, I mean, laughter lines? If they showed up! And maybe salt and pepper? Do you eat meat?

 Do you find the focus to read more?

 How about the project with the girls? Has I come to fruition 5 years later?
 How are mum, dad and your brother, his wife? Did they manage to move back? 
How about your European passport, did you manage to be granted one? 
Here is what I hope for you:
 I hope you have grown in confidence these last five years. I hope you feel at home in your own skin, and your own tastes in music, film, art, without second guessing yourself and being afraid to share.
 I hope you have found peace. That you are deliciously in love. And I pray that it is with him, that you grew closer and closer. I actually hope you live together. You know.. with separate rooms to escape to, In a beautiful high ceiling place with a luscious garden that you both take care of and a big bath tub.
 I hope that you made music together. I hope that you feel you are connected for life and you can trust each other fully. I hope you go on tour together and there are some people beautifully affected by what you play. 

I hope you meet people who understand you and you light each other up.
 Hopefully you stopped being a ghost around people on purpose. That you let yourself be noticed. 
Please say you are out of the office and you have found vibrant ways to pay your bills. Also, a healthy exercise routine because your body deserves to stay healthy during the changes which are set to come. 
I hope you took good care of your skin and that the lines coming are charm lines and not office lines.
 It would be wonderful if you and the girls created your platform and it was really helping some people in this world and that you all were enjoying being creative together. 

 I’ll be honest... I hope you two had a beautiful baby. That you both realise you would make amazing parents. I hope this was financially end energetically possible, that, if it did happen, you both realised you wanted this.

 There is the question of this world being way too evil to bring a little one into the world... Environmentally, cosmically, politically, financially.. You know what, it is your call. It's just that.. If the world actually was beautiful and safe.. It would have been so lovely to meet your little one. If he betrayed you again, or you both realised this was not suited for whatever reason, I hope you found somebody who was an even better suit for you both.

I hope he didn’t move to Prague without you. I hope you are okay. More than. That you are not alone. That you let yourself out the house more to explore and live and make and do.
 Do you know you are a good person? Even if people left you in your life . You have been toxic to people in the past especially during your wild developing phases, just like they have been towards you. Hopefully you forgave yourself. You are not toxic by nature. You have good intentions and you do not judge people.

 You have always been excited for other people’s successes. I hope you have had some and that somebody will be happy for them.

I can think of one person who has been so supportive up til this point. Yes, him. He is a sunshine and is proud of every step forward you take.

 He does love you purely. You both do. I’m so happy you found that. No matter where it has taken you in 5 years.
 Questions:

What is important for you now?

What did you last read? Where did you last travel? How does it look for the environment? Lots of love,
 You
xoxoxoxoxo